The last step in the divorce recovery process is the point at which you are able to say you are moving forward. There are so many more things we could say about divorce; so many conversations, scenarios, decisions and processes to walk through. No wonder there are so many self help and divorce recovery books out there. But sadly, not enough of them from a Christian perspective. I believe this needs to change. Do we not think that the first century church dealt with divorce? It is most certain that they did. After all, Paul wrote concerning marriage, divorce, and being single for a reason. I'm sure there were many new Christians whose spouses left them because of their faith.
Whatever the reason for your divorce, please know that you are not alone. Though in the church it still may feel like you are not the norm, (and that's a good thing! Would you really wish the pain of divorce on anyone? I think we can all agree the answer is no.) You are in great company of people from all walks of life from the new testament days until now. Divorce is not the end. There is hope in Christ.
How do you really know when you're moving forward? Believe me, there will still be many hurdles, and a constant ebb and flow of emotions. But I think when you get to a point where you can talk about the past with your children, show them pictures of you and your ex when the two of you were younger, even watch videos of you together and not feel much emotion at all- no sadness, no grief, no longing, not even a good reminiscent feeling- you are well on your way. Finally, the past becomes the past. Whether good or bad, fun memories or things you wish you could change, it just is.
I don't believe there is a real set timeframe for when this happens. Like any other form of grief and the death of hopes and dreams, everyone travels at their own pace. But with all your hope and trust in the Father, you can rest assured that He is bringing everything together for your good.
Last few thoughts on this subject- remember to extend grace to those around you who may not see your need, ask how you're doing, or even avoid you due to the awkward nature of divorce. The grief of divorce is a very personal one, and unless someone has either been through it themselves or witnessed it close to their family, or are just really compassionate by nature, I promise you they just really don't know what to say. Most of the time people don't mean anything by it. But there is still a stigma about divorce and it makes people uncomfortable. Extend grace. And be the change. Be the one seeking out others and offering a word of encouragement, prayer, etc.
As a divorcee, you are now in the position to be able to offer your experience over to God to use for His Glory. Chances are there will be others who struggle with marriage problems and they may come to you for encouragement. Point them to truth. Encourage them to do everything in their power to save their marriage and their family. Be someone who prays for them to have the strength to hold on to the vows they made. But if divorce is unstoppable, help them to rely on the Father above for comfort.
And that brings me to this- recognize those who were there for you through the worst of the storm. Thank them. And pay it forward.
So at the end of the day, when all the grieving is past and life continues on, what is the end goal? I believe in all we do, all we experience on this earth whether good or bad, our goal is to shine His light.
And yes, I believe it can be done even through divorce. Now you won't be perfect at it. You'll make plenty of mistakes. I know I definitely have. As a matter of fact, the very nature of divorce as we've already stated in previous posts indicates imperfection on our part. But it doesn't have to mean the end of our influence for Christ.
Satan would have you think that you're not qualified to teach others the truth, spread the gospel, or just be a good example to those around you.
But it's just not true. God can turn any mess into a message. Remember how Paul was a persecutor of the church? King David was an adulterer, Peter denied the Son of God, and on and on we could go listing all the imperfect people God used for His glory. You are no different, my friend.
Yes, there will be moments where you continue to fail as you walk down uncharted territory that chances are you were never taught how to walk down. You will say the wrong things, get angry easily, and not be your best self as you juggle the new relationship with your ex. But pick yourself back up along the way, keep trusting in the Father, and I believe you can be a good example to all those around you of the hope that lies within you, and have great influence for the church. To God be the glory.
The future is bright. Keep smiling!
-Mel
And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.- Phil 1:6
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe on Him for eternal life. - 1 Tim 1:15-16
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. - Rom 8:28
