Okay, so let's get down to some self reflection. Am I the only one that while going through a trial ends up in several pity parties, guest list of one?
Somehow I doubt it. It's human nature to feel sorry for ourselves when life isn't turning out quite right. It's so easy to get down and depressed when our souls are hurting. And while I won't go into why this mentality is destructive to our faith and our lives, I do want to address some ways I've learned to avoid it. Not that I've always followed these things. Don't misunderstand me. Lots of late nights crying floods of tears feeling sorry for myself have been shed in the past.
In the last post I suggested 5 things that people sometimes say to those going through divorce that don't come across as intended. But the responsibility goes both ways. Those going through divorce (or any trial) do not get a pass to act however they feel or say whatever they want because they are hurting. You will hurt relationships that way, and possibly friendships. So, here are 5 things I believe you should do while going through divorce (or any trial).
5. Count your blessings
I know, this sounds very vague and unhelpful. But stay with me. If you are to avoid feeling sorry for yourself and find growth as a person and more importantly a Christian, you need to remind yourself of God's goodness. It can be as simple as being thankful for a smile across your child's face, or cooler weather that puts you in the holiday spirit. Anything goes. Because when we realize that everything, EVERYTHING is a gift, we start to sift our focus away from self and gain perspective that will carry us through the hard times. This is not easy to do at first. It's not easy to consciously thank God for things that seem trivial compared to the mountain your climbing. Do it anyway.
4. Serve others
When dealing with grief and pain and trials, and specifically divorce, it's easy to forget our mission as Christians is to serve like Christ. Everything becomes so self centered without even realizing it. But people are still sick, families still lose loved ones, and there are countless opportunities out there to serve others.
Don't misunderstand me. I think there is a time to step back and sit at the feet of Jesus for a while. There is a time to rest in His arms and let Him carry you through the storm. Divorce is a big one, and you won't always have a full cup ready to be poured out into others. But try to want to.
Because there is plenty of opportunity out there to minister, and when you're focused on helping others, there is no time for pity parties.
3. Let others help you
While you don't want to become entitled with a victim mentality, it also takes humility to admit that you do need help, prayers, support, etc. Don't be so filled with pride that you deny others the opportunity to help you out in your time of need.
When I have needed it the most, God's people have shown me so much grace, support and love. I have been helped financially, in counseling, as well as just phone calls or texts. Shutting the world out, and especially God's people will not benefit you spiritually. To everything there is a season. Sometimes that season is to receive blessings from others. Let them help you.
2. Be a student of life
No one is perfect and we will make mistakes. Learn from them. Trials will come. People will disappoint. Hardships are inevitable. But having an attitude that is quick to apply the lessons this life can teach will help you in your journey of becoming more Christ like.
They say the best lessons we can learn are during the hard times of life, and I have found that to be true. But it's so easy sometimes to refuse to listen. It's easy to want to just assume life is getting us down for no good reason. But it's not. God always has a plan to use our trials for His Glory.
And lastly,
1. Let it go
Let go of the bitterness. Let go of the pain. Forgive where it is needed. Extend Grace wherever possible. Don't let your divorce define you for the rest of your life.
Healing takes time, I know this to be true. But focus your energy on letting the past stay in the past and you will find healing much quicker.
It's amazing how different I am now than even a year ago. But this concept of letting go still gets me sometimes. It's a constant, every day intention on my part to take my thoughts captive and leave the negativity behind.
Your relationship status changed. Your value or worth in the eyes of your Father did not.
So let go of your anger, your resentment, and anything else that holds you back.
Did I mention forgiveness? It's not just saying the words. It's an action. It's intentional thinking. But if you cannot forgive those that have wronged you, God will not forgive you. (Matt 6:15)
I know it's a struggle. I still deal with having to forgive offenses on a daily basis. It's a shame to have to admit that. But sometimes forgiveness is really, really hard. I don't pretend to have this thing all figured out. But I know my duty as a child of God is to work on it daily.
Let it go, and trust God that He is taking care of you, slowly creating in you a clean heart.
Remember, He has already overcome the world. (John 16:33)
With love,
Mel
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