Lessons from the Prodigal Son's Father

Parenting has proven to be the hardest job I've ever experienced. It just keeps getting harder.

I remember all the late nights I would walk the halls with a screaming baby girl who was colicky. I can still feel the anxiety I had as I watched my son struggle to breathe from 6 to 12 months old because of allergies. (The apartment we lived in at the time had a mold issue.)

From spilled drinks, to stepping on toys scattered everywhere, late nights breast feeding, and singing the bedtime song "one more time," those early years I thought for sure would be the hardest.

I'm beginning to realize how innocently wrong I was. Oh to go back and encourage that 22 year old me. I had no idea what I would face in the next ten years.

In 3 short months my oldest will be ten. It's hard to believe. Happy anniversary of being a mom to me.

I've been thinking, studying, reflecting, etc a lot the past few months on parenting. Over the holidays I challenged myself and anyone else who was up for it to take back the Joy of motherhood in this post.

That brings me to the prodigal son... perhaps not the best segway, but this guy came to mind recently while having a conversation about parenting in the future... like, when my kids get to be teenagers. Will I be the kind of parent who guides my kids through those years and all the drama, mistakes, etc that come with them, or will I be so far removed from their lives and hearts that they will not listen to my guidence?

I sure hope I'm still close to my kids when they are teens.. but the reality is, I have no idea what I'm doing!

Back to the prodigal son. When this story entered my mind after that conversation, I knew I needed to study it again. The story is found in Luke 15:11-34. In this parable, the son comes to the Father and asks for his inheritance before his time to have it. And here's the part that's interesting. Not only does his father give him the money, but it seems that he knows the son has no intention of being wise with it.

Now let's pause right there for a second. Imagine you have a savings account, trust fund, or whatever set up for your kids. You will give the money to them at 25. They want it at 18. Now I know legally there are ways today to prevent this, but let's pretend for a minute that those options aren't there. It's just you, the money, and your 18 year old child. Would you be so willing to hand over the money knowing they were not being wise?

I don't know.. I'm not there yet, but I think my gut reaction would be a big, strong no. I can imagine lots of heated conversations..

Why did the father give him the money and let him leave?

Of course the father in this story is God, the Heavenly Father. The parallel here is that God gives us free choice. He let's us make up our own mind, even when He knows we are being unwise with our decisions.

Did the prodigal son's father know he would one day wake up and realize his mistakes? Did he trust in the parenting he had done through the years? Did he know that while this son was at best unwise and at worst about to fall into deep sin, that he knew truth and would eventually return?

When the son does in fact return broken and defeated, the father holds no resentment.. there is no "how dare you?" Or "I told you so." There is only love and acceptance. The son is welcomed back with open arms.

Again, this is a beautiful parallel to how God treats us. I'm so thankful for His unconditional love.

What better example of parenting done right is there than the Heavenly Father himself?

This parable is a perfect example of His parenting techniques. And if we are willing to follow His example, I think it can better the way we parent our own kids. So, here's a few things I have learned from the prodigal son's father.

1. We have to use the time while they are young for the majority of the teaching moments. You don't find the Father reasoning with the son, arguing, trying to explain why what he was doing was wrong, etc... Those lessons had apparently already been taught. We must take the time while our kids are still under the impression we are perfect to instill the values we want them to have as adults.

2. We must realize and accept that our kids will make mistakes. The prodigal son's father could have stopped him from all that pain and hurt by refusing to give him the inheritance. But what would the son have learned? Mistakes are a part of the growing and learning process. Trying to stop our kids from ever making them in the end.. only hurts them. Train first, but let them chose. That's what I see the Father in the story doing.

3. Never lock the door of relationship and prevent it from opening again. When our kids do choose to sin, or to make unwise decisions, it will undoubtedly be hard to watch, especially if we've warned against it. And while there is a time to make our moral stances known and not support a lifestyle of sin, there is also a delicate balance because the door of repentance and relationship should always be available to them. That's how God parents us. He always leaves the door open for us to come back home... And as parents, we should too.

If only we could all truly parent our children the way God does. But of course, we are imperfect parents raising imperfect kids. Somewhere in that mix will be some uh-oh's, mess ups and the need for apologies and forgiveness. I hope I can learn from this story of a father's love and as my children age and parenting becomes even harder, use these lessons to better my relationship with them.

After all, the goal of any parent is to raise good, mature adults, right?

Don't forget to pray for all your fellow parents out there. We are all in the middle of a very tough job. That's for sure. But God is faithful to His children. He will see us through. ☺

-Mel

Don't show the mess

Have you ever NOT posted something to social media because in the background there were dirty clothes, or a few toys on the floor? Have you ever positioned your camera just right while video chatting so the person watching couldn't see the mess behind you?

I have.

Oh how I wish my house was always spotless, always Johanna Gaines decorated, always ready for company at any moment.

But alas, there is not enough time in the day for all the chores of life.

And while I do agree with the advice I was given when my kids were small to prioritize time with them over a perfectly clean house, I also of course want to teach my kids good housekeeping habits and being outnumbered... well, our house can be destroyed much faster than it can be cleaned.

I was reminded of this yesterday when my son sent a video message that proudly displayed their messy room. And let me tell you, I was mortified. I wanted to die of embarrassment. Now, I could go into all the reasons why it was messy.. how busy our lives have been, how booked up our weekends seem to stay, how between homework and dinner and baths there just isn't a lot of time in the day... but truthfully, when it boils down to it... their room is out of sight, and therefore... out of my mind. While it's on their daily chore list to keep it tidy, it's also a smaller room that they both share and so it's just jam packed full of things that make it easy to become disorganized. It's easy to close their door and not realize how bad it gets in there. (This is where I get a trash bag and start donating all their toys to free up space.)

Back to my humiliation. After talking to him about how we don't video our messy room and show people- well, we spent the next hour organizing.

But I realized I was wrong to get on to him. I fussed at him because of embarrassment that the room wasn't "perfect." I didn't want him showing anyone the mess because well.. it's a representation of us, and if our house is a mess, maybe people will think we are a mess... it was a pride thing.

But in reality, should we be afraid for others to see our messy homes? Or to bring it in perspective, should we be afraid for others to know that we as in, our lives are messy and not perfect? Should we be afraid to be real?

I will be real right now, y'all. Kids are gross. Kids are messy. Kids have much more energy than I do. Kids don't come into the world knowing how to keep things tidy. And living with them means occasionally there will be messy rooms that need organizing again.

So, what? What was I afraid of?

I suppose it was just that feeling of opening up in a vulnerable way that allows others to see that I don't always have my life figured out. But of course, like everyone else.. there are moments where I get overwhelmed and can't get it all done. I am sometimes.. a mess.

And that's okay.

Isn't that why God sent Jesus? Not to clean our messy homes but to clean our messy lives. To redeem us. To help us overcome sin. To accept his help we have to realize the mess we are in. And just as I helped my kids to reorganize their toys, God helps us reorganize our lives to get rid of the chaos and bring order.

He sees our mess, and he loves us through it. So stop angling cameras just right to hide the imperfection.. show the world that the imperfection is being transformed daily into something new. Something clean.

It's okay to let others know you don't have it all together- in housework, or in life. That's part of being human. Its also okay to ask for organization advice from people who are naturally more gifted in keeping tidy houses! 😂

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.- PS. 51:10