The time I went to a therapist

This post is hard to write. It is sensitive to me because it is very personal. It's sensitive because I don't want anyone to feel as though I am writing something against them, or that they somehow did something wrong. None of those things are true.

But I want to write about mental health. Because I have come to believe it is so very important.

Life is hard folks. REAL life is hard.

I want to tell you that it is important to take care of your mental health. And while I'm not a Licensed Professional Counselor or anyone in the mental health field, I do have a few suggestions to help based on my own life experiences.

If you've read my blog at all, you know that I went through both marriage problems and the death of my mom in the same year. Strike that. Within a month. While the marriage problems drug out 3 and a half years before the divorce was final, I was also grieving the loss of my mom, raising two young kids and trying to get back into the working world after being a stay at home mom.

My head was constantly in a fog. Looking back I can see how far I've come, and it just reemphasizes to me how difficult my life was... because although I am out of that trial now, I can still feel the pain of it when it crosses my mind. And perhaps I always will.

I felt so alone. And I think I can safely say that this is a common feeling when you're going through something traumatic.

I tried to hide how hard it was. Oh most people knew. But over and over again I would try to smile, and act normal. Until I couldn't physically do it anymore. Then, I resorted to actual hiding.

I stopped participating in extra things that I knew I could be absent. I stopped being around people that were happy and joyful. Because it just made me feel worse.

And while thankfully I was never suicidal, I had days where I did nothing but the bare minimum. I kept my kids alive with food, let them watch TV and would read or watch with them until it was appropriate to put them down for a nap. And then I would cry and usually sleep too. I had no energy, no drive, no desire to enjoy life.

I talked to and with my closest friends, but I shut everyone else out. I hated the attention that my marriage problems brought. I hated being felt sorry for. I hated the whispers, the awkward silences when I entered a room, and the (well intention-ed) invitations to go do something. There was pretty much no winning for those that knew me. If they mentioned something about my situation, it would bring me to tears. If they didn't, I felt like they didn't care.

Of course in hindsight I can see and recognize all the ways people tried to be there for me. But just as I wouldn't have known what to do or say to someone going through such a hard time, they didn't either. We are all only human.

But that's just it. Sometimes friends don't know how to help. They want to. They try. But sometimes no matter what they do it doesn't relieve any of the pain, loneliness or stress.

One day I had had enough. I was tired of feeling so broken. So I did what up until that point I had never considered doing. I googled and found a Christian therapist and I made an appointment.

And it was just what I needed.

I cried, I vented, I told her my story. She listened. She empathized, and even got a little teary-eyed herself. She too had been through marriage problems and eventually divorced. She knew exactly what I was going through from a personal standpoint, and she had the education behind her to give me real tips on how to move forward.

One appointment. That's all it took for me. I could've gone more. It would have helped too. But that one appointment validated my feelings, and set me on a new path to take charge and control of my life. She gave me focus.

I will never underestimate the importance of mental health again. Because once again - life is hard. Whether it's grief, or job stress, or health problems, or marriage problems, or financial problems... we all face times where we feel overwhelmed with what life throws at us.

It's a human thing.

If you're in this place.. this place of confusion.. chaos.. constant exhaustion, lack of interest in life, depressed, etc...

REACH OUT.

Talk to a friend, a parent, a church leader... maybe even a mental health provider.

Find ways to get involved in daily life activities again. Push through the awkward conversations. Invite others into your home, and accept the invitations to theirs. Get involved in your church activities instead of bing-watching Netflix on a Saturday. (I know it's hard sometimes to push out of that closed off from the world feeling. But do it anyway.)

Start a journal and write down your thoughts and prayers each day or at least once a week. This habit will begin to allow you to process what you're feeling and see progress as you begin to heal.

Pray aloud, in your mind and on paper. Tell God what you're feeling, what you're wanting, what you're needing, and in time try to tell him you submit to whatever His answer is, even if it differs from your desires.

Write yourself notes and stick them where ever will most benefit you.

"I am a child of the King. Loved, exactly as I am." - stick it on the bathroom mirror.

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." - stick it on the refrigerator.

"Put others before yourself. Treat people as Jesus did." - stick it on your car dashboard.

These are just examples, but you get the idea. Fill your home and life with scripture, positive self talk, etc.

Have an accountability partner. (or two, or three) Pick people that you feel comfortable sharing your life with and fully let them in to your thoughts and feelings and decision making process. Be willing to listen to advice of people who are probably seeing the situation much clearer than you while you are in it.

Let others carry your burden. This one was a hard one for me. It's why I shut a lot of people out. Because what I was feeling and going through was NOT what I wanted others to know or feel. But the reality is, we can't get through this life on our own. We need others. That's why God made more than one of us. ;)

There are a lot of good people that just don't know how to help or what you need. Communicate that need to others and you may be surprised with the outpouring you can receive.

And finally, find ways to minister to others. Do it through your church or with friends or another local charity. Find a way to donate your time, talents and perhaps money to others that need it. Being involved in the community or doing good deeds with others helps you feel apart and a sense of teamwork.

It helps. It really does.

I hope this has somehow been worth reading. I hope it's given some ideas or hope to someone going through a hard time, feeling uninterested in life or depressed.

I hope that by reading this, someone who has been feeling down and lonely decides to reach out to someone. I hope you reach out, and let others in.

Keep overcoming friends!