Her tiny face. His wrinkled nose. That first cry; a beautiful sound that makes the last 9 months and specifically the last few hours totally worth it. There is just not much you can compare to the deep rooted feeling of love you feel as you gaze into your child's eyes for the first time. And the Joy; oh the Joy you feel as you go from just a woman to a mother.
But just like most things, Satan soon tries to steal that joy from you.
Constant diaper changes. No sleep. Didn't you just eat child? More feedings. Burping. Walking the halls in the night trying to soothe a screaming baby.
Watching a toddler twenty four seven because they will get into mischief. Teaching manners. Disciplining. Again.
And then there's the school years. That's where I'm at in my mothering journey. School. Activities. Homework assignments. The best way I could describe the school age child rearing years is busy. So busy. And mentally exhausting.
The other day as I was driving home from work, my mind was on the holidays and how quickly they are approaching yet, I have struggled to get into the spirit of them. And I wondered why. Determined to make the most of these chilly Novemeber days, I decided to surprise the kids with hot chocolate when they got off the bus. I envisioned in my head making the most of the afternoon hours sitting with them while they did their homework, laughing, enjoying the weather with our mugs of warm chocolate goodness.
It was a Leave it to Beaver dream. You know, that picture perfect life of a mother. But I live in an I Love Lucy world. I'm full of flaws in every aspect of life- motherhood included.
I almost burnt the milk I was heating up while waiting outside for the kids. When we got inside and I finally got the hot chocolate made, it was much too hot for one child who quickly complained. This kid wants hot chocolate that is more like room temperature milk. *gag me.* So into the freezer it went for 10 minutes.
Homework took forever, the housework suffered and I ended up cleaning while cooking and constantly reminding the kids to sit back down and focus.
And you know what? That was a good day overall. But by the end of it I felt worn out, stressed, and not... you know, joyful. Once again I felt inadequate in the responsibilities God has given me.
But it's time to take that joy back.
It's time to realize that motherhood is not those picture perfect snapshots posted on instagram.
Motherhood is filled with sacrifice as you pour yourself out and into your child. And while you can't continue pouring yourself out when you are empty and sometimes every mom needs a break to fill back up, there really is Joy in the emptiness, the tired, the stressed when you choose to see that your efforts are not in vain. Really see.
Every time you feel exhausted because of a busy day pouring into your children, choose to see the filling up that they received. Choose to see the memories you made that they may have for a lifetime. Choose joy.
Where do you go for your help? Where do you go for your strength? Where do you turn to refill and recharge?
Too often, I've turned to the mighty internet to answer motherhood questions or seek advice. Too often I've turned to the TV for relaxation and recharging time.
But what does that verse say?
"I lift my eyes unto the screen, where does my help come from? My help comes from technology, the endless source of human knowledge."
No.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth."-Ps 121:1-2
Time to fix our eyes on the One who made Heaven and earth. That's where we will find the help, strength, and recharging that we need as we walk this journey of motherhood.
I'll be studying the subject of Joy and how it can relate to motherhood for the next few weeks. I hope some other mothers will join me in this challenge to find and renew the Joy of Motherhood.
"...Do not be grieved, the Joy of the Lord is your strength."-Neh 8:10b
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