The thing about hallways is that.. they can be boring. There isn't much to them. Just a path that leads to other places. Doors on the right. Doors on the left. Each one offers some bit of hope of something better than the boring, long, skinny, seemingly lifeless hallway. But they can also be safe and comfortable. You know what to expect in a hallway and there are no surprises.
There have been times that I've tried to turn around and reopen a door that just closed. Because what I had before seems better than what's in front of me. But once a door has shut, it typically won't open again. I've knocked on other doors that seem exciting but they wouldn't open. I've pushed, I've shoved, I've picked at locks... I've cried and bargained with God.. but there are some doors in the hallway that just aren't meant for me.
Then there are the doors that seem to open on their own that I don't want to walk through. Inside these doors are pain, and very hard trials. Its probably the biggest chance for growth, but it's not the way I really want to grow. Once again I would rather stay in that safe hallway, or reopen the last door. I don't want this new door. But doors like this pull me in no matter how hard I try to fight against them.
Then there are a few, just a few doors that have opened for me with a lot of hard work and effort. It may have taken a while, but eventually they opened.
Occasionally, a door has even opened on its own in its own way. A door I didn't see coming. And inside were blessings that fell into place. Those are good doors.
But sometimes... you have to wait in the hallway for a while. And let me tell you, that can be hard.
The hallway can bring about feelings of boredom, discontentment, impatience, envy and jealousy. Enough time spent stuck in a hallway can make you feel like the walls are closing in around you.
But I have also found that for me, it's time spent in the hallway of life that brings about my greatest insecurities and anxieties. Can I really move forward toward the next door? What if inside brings pain? Am I capable of handling what might be in front of me? Maybe it's too much responsibility.
It's like this great contradiction of feeling discontent and wanting to move forward to something better- and at the same time thinking maybe I'm safer without stepping into that next doorway of unknown territory.
But I'm trying to remember the blessings that come about in the hallway. With no doors open, there is time to reflect, pray, and ask for God's counsel. There is time to slow down and build up your patience, faith in His plan. There's a sort of child-like trust that you have to have in order to wait for the right door of opportunity without being scared or insecure. Just content to find the door that He has planned for you.
You see... our feelings of discontentment when we are stuck in a season of waiting can help us realize our need for patience. The feeling of jealousy when doors open for others that we want for ourselves can serve to remind us that no two people have the same story... and we can and must learn to be content with that, no matter how unfair it may seem.
And if we are feeling scared, insecurities in the hallway of what might come next is an opportunity to live out the truth in that childhood song, "He's got the whole world in His hands."
Oh, to truly know that "He's got this!"
Slowly but surely God is teaching me to see these blessings. Sometimes I'm a slow learner, but He is a patient Father.
Looking back, I can see His guidance on which doors He closed and which ones He had me walk through.... so looking forward, I must trust that He knows what He is doing.. and in His own time and way, He will lead me to the next phase and out of the Hallway. He has the answers my soul is seeking. The why, when, and how. But until then, no matter what feelings may come, I can choose to have an attitude of praise.
No comments:
Post a Comment