I fight this need for control on a daily basis; constantly striving to strike the balance between owning my decisions and responsibilities and understanding that life is bigger than me and much of the time out of my control.
I was reminded of this again this week when my daughter got the norovirus...again. This was the third short round of "laying on the bathroom floor" that my children have gone through in less than a month. It was the third round of "wash all the sheets whether they need it or not;" the third round of "bleach all the things."
As a former homeschooler with a sense of humor, I'd like to be able to blame the public school system and their germs as the reason my kids have been sick. But of course the truth is, germs are everywhere, and there's no telling where they got them.
(As I'm sitting here writing this, I am remembering that I have written on the stomach virus before.. a couple years ago when we missed our family Thanksgiving thanks to this bug. You can find that post HERE
Two years is enough time to go by before talking about vomit again, right?)
Anywho... The last few months- #honestytime- have been pretty stressful for me. I have so many goals for myself and my family that I am working hard to achieve and several of life's little stresses have messed up my plans.
I have prayed, I have begged and cried out to God to help me accomplish some of these life goals I'm working so hard for. And time and time again something happens to push those goals back.
Well, after two rounds of this stomach flu (1 for each kid) and all that goes with that- missing work, extra housework, etc- I was not expecting this third round. I didn't see it coming.
But, as with anything in life, once it happened, we just jumped into survival mode and worked it out. (Thank God for family who understands my circumstances and is always so willing to jump in and help, even at the risk of germs.)
I've learned a great lesson through the years about control, and it's never fresher on my mind than when life has to stop for a couple days to get passed a stomach bug.
Just like we never know or have real control over when a virus will strike... we don't have control over other, more important aspects of life. We are victims of time and chance.
But you know what? When you realize and accept this lack of control, you get a real peace in your soul that is beyond any other feeling. I mean... no more worrying, no more stressing.. no more overthinking... just rest in the knowledge that someone bigger and smarter is working it all out.
Sadly, a virus like the stomach flu, or even influenza or whatever it may be is one of the only times I actually tend to slow down in life.
I mean, there is school for kids, work for me, housework, cooking, laundry... church activities, extended family activities, and on and on.. there is not enough time in a week for everything.. But when a virus hits, it is like a vacation from all those things...
Yes, you miss out on church services, or work, or school... But you gain a day (or two) of rest from life. I have learned through the years to appreciate that time. I suppose time and chance is really all that is responsible for it, but sometimes I'd like to think it's God's way of slowing me down for a bit.
Because it's in these times that I am home mothering a sick child that I am able to think, reflect and pray in a quiet that is rare in our house. And it is in these moments that He softly whispers to me, "I have everything under control. Give your burden to me."
That's right... I can't control what any given day, week or year will look like.. but He can, and does. He uses all that I face on a daily basis as an opportunity for me to grow.
So I reach into my pockets, grab my need for control and give it to Him. I then sit and rest in His presence, and trust that He understands my concerns, needs and desires even better than I do.
He is my provider. He is all I need in the driver's seat. It's okay that I'm not in control, because I know that He is.
No comments:
Post a Comment