2013 I was a stay at home mom to a 4 and 1 year old. They would turn 5 and 2 during the summer. By April my marriage was obviously in trouble. In May my mom and younger siblings were in a car accident that ended in her sudden death.
Both of those things stand out to me as being extremely significant in getting me to where I am today.
Because I had marriage problems, I put my mothers death and my grief on hold. As big of a deal as it was, it took second place to trying to fix my marriage.
But I was so very alone.
No one else in my circle of friends and family had faced what I was facing. My immediate family were all grieving the accident that took my mom, so I didn't want to burden them with my problems. I really only talked to my older sister, and sister in law. For the most part I suffered in silence.
I've discussed a little of this in previous blogs. That was a very low point in my life. I questioned God, I questioned my faith, I prayed like never before and studied like never before.
And still... nothing changed. My marriage continued to slowly die over the next 3 years. Nothing changed. Except me.
Sometimes when people go through hard times, or something extremely traumatic, they get stuck mentally and emotionally. They find it hard to move past those events.
I get it. I have struggled myself. But I don't talk about my hard times or struggles because I'm stuck emotionally; I talk about them because I'm proof of a God that never fails His children. These events have become a big part of my testimony, and why I am passionate about God today.
Let me tell you about 2018. I started the year studying for a certification exam and passed it in March, becoming a certified professional coder. That's fancy words for "I take what the doctor does with a patient and turn it into a billable code so the insurance company will pay it." It may not sound like much, and in the big scheme of careers and education it's not, but it was a huge step and accomplishment for me because of where the last five years have taken me. I have now been working at the same company for 3 years. This year I have taken on much more responsibility, which I love. I am a divorced mom of two beautiful kids, but for the most part I get along with their dad, and we've found a good routine of co-parenting. I have been able to open up more to friends and family and let them into my heart, and so I'm feeling much less alone. In fact, I know I'm NOT alone.
This Thanksgiving as I thought about everything I am thankful for, I just couldn't help comparing where I've been with where I am now. God has brought me through some dark times, and given me a life that I absolutely love. I am living proof of His faithfulness.
So where am I going with this?
Well, I have had several holiday seasons in the last few years where I struggled to be thankful and joyful because I was in the midst of a storm. Those holidays were hard. And maybe that's where you're at. Maybe you're struggling. Maybe your problems are public knowledge, or maybe they are hidden and no one realizes you're suffering. Either way, it can make the holiday season a difficult one.
I know what it's like to feel alone, and it's not a good feeling. So I beg you to please reach out. Tell someone. Ask for help. Ask for prayer. Ask for accountability. Let someone into your heart and struggles. You don't have to go through any trial alone. Most of all draw closer to God. Don't underestimate the power of prayer.
Sometimes we don't see immediate changes. I know I didn't. Sometimes they aren't so tangible. Sometimes we have to step back and look at the big picture to see where we were and where we are now. But God is faithful. He may not answer our prayers the way we want, but rest assured that He answers them. In 2013 I prayed for a healed marriage. In 2018 I thank God for the way He answered those prayers because He knew far better than me what I needed.
I hope a little of my story has been encouraging. I hope it speaks to His Grace. As always, this blog is meant to be real about life, but also to renew that overcomer spirit in all of us. If God be for us, who can be against us?
We are not alone. He is faithful, and will not fail His children. No matter what tomorrow may hold, I know He'll be by my side. And He will stay by yours too. Rest in that promise.
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