Old Fashioned Parenting

I took this picture the other day. As you can see, my kitchen is nowhere near spotless. The island bar has several things on it. The stove and counter in the back both have dinner dishes spread everywhere and they definitely needed wiped down.

This is real life. This is so UN-instagram ready. But I love this picture. Because it tells a story.

This picture represents to me a moment in time that is fleeting; a moment in time so often taken for granted. My children were helping me prepare dinner. Actually, my son was creating a dessert for us... mini chocolate chips, cut up pretzel sticks and honey in a bowl. As I stood there watching them in the kitchen, I realized it may have been the first time all three of us were "cooking" dinner together. Usually one or both of them are off doing their own thing while I cook. I have my daughter help me from time to time, but both of them... I'm just not sure it had ever happened on a random evening that wasn't a holiday or special occasion. That family time together was precious. It was totally photo worthy, and it was a great reminder of the things that matter.

I want to old fashioned parent. I want more family times together, and less of each of us staring at our own screens.

More and more research comes out every year about the negative effects of screen time and technology on this generation of children. Not only in how seeing their parents on devices makes them feel less important, but spending time on these devices themselves is causing depression and loneliness in children. This generation is missing something that even my generation had; uninterrupted attention of their parents. Don't get me wrong. Every generation of parents have had their moments of being preoccupied and not tuning in to their kids. But smart phones have taken distraction to a whole new level.

But oh how difficult it is to stay away from these things in this narcissistic, instant gratification society.

That evening I made a decision. We will cook more as a family in the future. I will let them make a mess in my kitchen, even if it means more cleaning afterwards. Because those are memories we will all take with us after they are grown.

When I think about my parenting... what I feel I'm doing right, what I feel I need improvement on... I always keep a couple things in mind.

1. The goal of raising mature, Christian adults.
2. The memories of their childhood home I want them to have.

In any decision of parenting, I always try to keep the main goal in mind. But second to that is the reality that they WILL take away things from childhood- some good, some bad. I want them to remember times spent together, not time on a screen. I want them to remember living life and sharing experiences, not creating virtual ones alone in their bedroom.

This post isn't really about social media or technology... I'll step off my soapbox now.. But just a reminder to myself to not zone out in the evenings. I want to find these perfectly imperfect moments of child rearing- like messes in the kitchen- and cherish them. To encourage creativity in my children. To laugh together often. Because I'm as guilty as anyone to be that distracted parent always scrolling through social media on my phone instead of being present with the people in the room.

There was a time when I took a hard look at our household and saw that while we didn't have any major conflicts, we also lacked joy and laughter. I worked on that in 2018. A lot.

And now it's time to think about 2019. I just want to create memories this year that they will remember for always. I want them to remember that their mother cared to spend quality time with them. I want them to feel more important than my emails, or facebook.

I want to slow down time and not feel so rushed all the time. I want family dinners and reading scripture around the living room. I want I Love Lucy reruns. I want to enjoy these ordinary moments while they are here.

Because one day... they won't be. And whether good or bad, the things they experienced in my home will shape how they view the world. It's such a scary, sobering thought.

2019 will be here before we know it. And this year I am refocusing again. This year I plan to create memories, laugh, love, and enjoy life. Less frivolous, time wasting activities, and more family time with intention to teach the Godly lessons I want them to learn. I'm calling it old fashioned parenting. And I think it's what this attention starved generation of children need. Who is with me?