"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one does, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the spirit will from the spirit reap eternal life."-Gal. 6:7-8
While processing through the past, what went wrong in your relationship and dealing with the depression and guilt it causes as the mind grieves, sometimes it's easy to forget that God hasn't left.
I don't know the responsibility you feel for the demise of your marriage, but I know you share some of it. Let me explain.
You may be in a position where you left and abandoned your family. On the contrary, you may have been the one left behind. In either position, you are responsible for the way you conducted yourself in the union and the decisions you made. It is not all the ex's fault. Don't play the blame game! And at the same time, don't take responsibility for decisions he or she made. Each of you share in some part of the blame, some part of the responsibility. Recognize your part of it. Apologize for it if you still have a civil relationship with your ex. If you're communicating only through lawyers and don't have the opportunity, then confess it to family or friends and most importantly to God.
And remember, God hasn't left you.
One of the loneliest nights of my life was the night after my mother's funeral. Yes, my mother passed away shortly after my husband and I separated. That night as I was alone in the bedroom he and I shared, having put the kids to bed long before, I couldn't sleep. I was lost. I was alone. I didn't see how joy could ever fill my heart again. And I questioned. I questioned God's Will, His love, His sovereignty. I questioned how He could let her die in a time when I needed her the most. I cried out to Him like I never had before.
"Do you still love me?"
My soul longed to know how a Father God planned to use my pain for a greater good. I needed to know He was still there, because I couldn't feel His presense. That night was a fork in the road night for me. I made a decision. I decided I would recommit to growing my faith because I knew if I didn't, I would give up under the pressure and pain I was in.
You see in those days the root of my problem was not simply that my marriage was broken. No, it was that my relationship with God was broken.
This is a hard truth to realize, and an even harder thing for me to suggest for someone else. But this is the perfect time for reexamining your faith. Its a time to put priorities back into perspective. Because the root of any marriage problem is a sin problem. And a sin problem is the result of a broken relationship with God. We reap what we sow. The sooner we come to grips with this reality of life, the better off we will be.
"Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?-unless indeed you fail to meet the test!"-2 Cor. 13:5
Isn't it so very easy to get distracted by the world? We get caught up in sinful passions. We get complacent with doing our part to go through the motions of Christianity and lose the zeal and joy we once had. We compromise our convictions to make others like us and set God aside. Maybe we even walk away from the faith we once claimed.
The result? Brokenness. Always; brokenness in marriages, homes, families, communities, churches and our very souls.
I know how very broken I felt, and if I felt it, I figure others have had moments like this too. Once I admitted I was broken, it became easier to admit I didn't have the answers to piece my life back together on my own. But God.... He can.
In order to move on, move forward, and live the abundant life He promised, we must recognize the areas where we have fallen. We must take responsibility and reach out to the Father for healing. If you find yourself in this place, may I beg you to consider talking to leadership in your congregation? Or if you've stopped, start going back to church. That's a great first step.
These are not easy things to do. I know this. And I don't pretend for a second that I am everything I need to be. I absolutely am not. But even in my worst moments, God never left. And He hasn't left you either. Trust Him. Submit to Him. He will see you through this. He will help you overcome.
-Mel
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