The Hallway

Have you ever found yourself in a hallway of life? You know... that place in the middle... the waiting game.. a door has closed behind you and you are waiting for the next one to open. Yeah, I've been there quite a bit.

The thing about hallways is that.. they can be boring. There isn't much to them. Just a path that leads to other places. Doors on the right. Doors on the left. Each one offers some bit of hope of something better than the boring, long, skinny, seemingly lifeless hallway. But they can also be safe and comfortable. You know what to expect in a hallway and there are no surprises.

There have been times that I've tried to turn around and reopen a door that just closed. Because what I had before seems better than what's in front of me. But once a door has shut, it typically won't open again. I've knocked on other doors that seem exciting but they wouldn't open. I've pushed, I've shoved, I've picked at locks... I've cried and bargained with God.. but there are some doors in the hallway that just aren't meant for me.

Then there are the doors that seem to open on their own that I don't want to walk through. Inside these doors are pain, and very hard trials. Its probably the biggest chance for growth, but it's not the way I really want to grow. Once again I would rather stay in that safe hallway, or reopen the last door. I don't want this new door. But doors like this pull me in no matter how hard I try to fight against them.

Then there are a few, just a few doors that have opened for me with a lot of hard work and effort. It may have taken a while, but eventually they opened.

Occasionally, a door has even opened on its own in its own way. A door I didn't see coming. And inside were blessings that fell into place. Those are good doors.

But sometimes... you have to wait in the hallway for a while. And let me tell you, that can be hard.

The hallway can bring about feelings of boredom, discontentment, impatience, envy and jealousy. Enough time spent stuck in a hallway can make you feel like the walls are closing in around you.

But I have also found that for me, it's time spent in the hallway of life that brings about my greatest insecurities and anxieties. Can I really move forward toward the next door? What if inside brings pain? Am I capable of handling what might be in front of me? Maybe it's too much responsibility.

It's like this great contradiction of feeling discontent and wanting to move forward to something better- and at the same time thinking maybe I'm safer without stepping into that next doorway of unknown territory.

But I'm trying to remember the blessings that come about in the hallway. With no doors open, there is time to reflect, pray, and ask for God's counsel. There is time to slow down and build up your patience, faith in His plan. There's a sort of child-like trust that you have to have in order to wait for the right door of opportunity without being scared or insecure. Just content to find the door that He has planned for you.

You see... our feelings of discontentment when we are stuck in a season of waiting can help us realize our need for patience. The feeling of jealousy when doors open for others that we want for ourselves can serve to remind us that no two people have the same story... and we can and must learn to be content with that, no matter how unfair it may seem.

And if we are feeling scared, insecurities in the hallway of what might come next is an opportunity to live out the truth in that childhood song, "He's got the whole world in His hands."

Oh, to truly know that "He's got this!"

Slowly but surely God is teaching me to see these blessings. Sometimes I'm a slow learner, but He is a patient Father.

Looking back, I can see His guidance on which doors He closed and which ones He had me walk through.... so looking forward, I must trust that He knows what He is doing.. and in His own time and way, He will lead me to the next phase and out of the Hallway. He has the answers my soul is seeking. The why, when, and how. But until then, no matter what feelings may come, I can choose to have an attitude of praise.

The Other Side

Have you ever been through something so traumatic, so hurtful, so painful that you thought you'd never smile again?

I think a lot of us probably have.

I have had conversations with others where we all agreed.... when going through a hard trial of life, nothing seems to fill you with joy as it once could.

There have been times in my life of absolute happiness. Even when bad days would come and go, I was happy.

And then there have been times where nothing could really make me smile. I was in a season of mourning.

Is this not the normal ebb and flow of life? Ecclesasties talks about the seasons of life and how there are times of sadness and times of triumph. For whatever reason, that simple truth was very hard to grasp for me as a young adult.

Sometimes when bad things happen, we tend to think nothing good will ever happen again. But of course, that is just not true.

This blog is meant to encourage the overcomer spirit in us all, but because of the nature of it, most of my posts have some sort of negativity in them. They are mostly centered around trials and how to make it through them, always growing with the pain. Probably because that's what I needed. I needed perspective while going through the different seasons that helped me see God's work in all of it.

But there is also joy in overcoming. And if we can be honest about our problems, we should be able to be honest about our successes. You see, every mountain you have to climb has another side once you get to the top. Sometimes it's so hard to see that because our mountains are so large. There is much trouble and strife in the climb. But where there's an uphill battle there is a downhill slide.

And the other side is filled with blessings that were once hard to fathom.

Some of those blessings come in the form of achieving something you worked hard for.. like a medical coding certification.

Or spending spring break with your kids at the Houston Rodeo because you actually have time off work for a change. ☺

And then there is Easter Sunday, spent worshiping God with your kids in their Sunday best..

And so many more blessings that shouldn't be shared in a public way. 😉

So I just want to encourage you today to see the blessings in the storm... And know that on the other side there will be moments of pure joy again.

I'm happily in a season of life right now where the dark cloud has lifted and I'm viewing the rainbow.

But you may still be in the rain. And so I say, keep walking. Keep growing. Keep climbing. His goodness and mercy will follow you through it all.

Keep the faith. Keep overcoming.
-Mel

Lessons from the Prodigal Son's Father

Parenting has proven to be the hardest job I've ever experienced. It just keeps getting harder.

I remember all the late nights I would walk the halls with a screaming baby girl who was colicky. I can still feel the anxiety I had as I watched my son struggle to breathe from 6 to 12 months old because of allergies. (The apartment we lived in at the time had a mold issue.)

From spilled drinks, to stepping on toys scattered everywhere, late nights breast feeding, and singing the bedtime song "one more time," those early years I thought for sure would be the hardest.

I'm beginning to realize how innocently wrong I was. Oh to go back and encourage that 22 year old me. I had no idea what I would face in the next ten years.

In 3 short months my oldest will be ten. It's hard to believe. Happy anniversary of being a mom to me.

I've been thinking, studying, reflecting, etc a lot the past few months on parenting. Over the holidays I challenged myself and anyone else who was up for it to take back the Joy of motherhood in this post.

That brings me to the prodigal son... perhaps not the best segway, but this guy came to mind recently while having a conversation about parenting in the future... like, when my kids get to be teenagers. Will I be the kind of parent who guides my kids through those years and all the drama, mistakes, etc that come with them, or will I be so far removed from their lives and hearts that they will not listen to my guidence?

I sure hope I'm still close to my kids when they are teens.. but the reality is, I have no idea what I'm doing!

Back to the prodigal son. When this story entered my mind after that conversation, I knew I needed to study it again. The story is found in Luke 15:11-34. In this parable, the son comes to the Father and asks for his inheritance before his time to have it. And here's the part that's interesting. Not only does his father give him the money, but it seems that he knows the son has no intention of being wise with it.

Now let's pause right there for a second. Imagine you have a savings account, trust fund, or whatever set up for your kids. You will give the money to them at 25. They want it at 18. Now I know legally there are ways today to prevent this, but let's pretend for a minute that those options aren't there. It's just you, the money, and your 18 year old child. Would you be so willing to hand over the money knowing they were not being wise?

I don't know.. I'm not there yet, but I think my gut reaction would be a big, strong no. I can imagine lots of heated conversations..

Why did the father give him the money and let him leave?

Of course the father in this story is God, the Heavenly Father. The parallel here is that God gives us free choice. He let's us make up our own mind, even when He knows we are being unwise with our decisions.

Did the prodigal son's father know he would one day wake up and realize his mistakes? Did he trust in the parenting he had done through the years? Did he know that while this son was at best unwise and at worst about to fall into deep sin, that he knew truth and would eventually return?

When the son does in fact return broken and defeated, the father holds no resentment.. there is no "how dare you?" Or "I told you so." There is only love and acceptance. The son is welcomed back with open arms.

Again, this is a beautiful parallel to how God treats us. I'm so thankful for His unconditional love.

What better example of parenting done right is there than the Heavenly Father himself?

This parable is a perfect example of His parenting techniques. And if we are willing to follow His example, I think it can better the way we parent our own kids. So, here's a few things I have learned from the prodigal son's father.

1. We have to use the time while they are young for the majority of the teaching moments. You don't find the Father reasoning with the son, arguing, trying to explain why what he was doing was wrong, etc... Those lessons had apparently already been taught. We must take the time while our kids are still under the impression we are perfect to instill the values we want them to have as adults.

2. We must realize and accept that our kids will make mistakes. The prodigal son's father could have stopped him from all that pain and hurt by refusing to give him the inheritance. But what would the son have learned? Mistakes are a part of the growing and learning process. Trying to stop our kids from ever making them in the end.. only hurts them. Train first, but let them chose. That's what I see the Father in the story doing.

3. Never lock the door of relationship and prevent it from opening again. When our kids do choose to sin, or to make unwise decisions, it will undoubtedly be hard to watch, especially if we've warned against it. And while there is a time to make our moral stances known and not support a lifestyle of sin, there is also a delicate balance because the door of repentance and relationship should always be available to them. That's how God parents us. He always leaves the door open for us to come back home... And as parents, we should too.

If only we could all truly parent our children the way God does. But of course, we are imperfect parents raising imperfect kids. Somewhere in that mix will be some uh-oh's, mess ups and the need for apologies and forgiveness. I hope I can learn from this story of a father's love and as my children age and parenting becomes even harder, use these lessons to better my relationship with them.

After all, the goal of any parent is to raise good, mature adults, right?

Don't forget to pray for all your fellow parents out there. We are all in the middle of a very tough job. That's for sure. But God is faithful to His children. He will see us through. ☺

-Mel

Don't show the mess

Have you ever NOT posted something to social media because in the background there were dirty clothes, or a few toys on the floor? Have you ever positioned your camera just right while video chatting so the person watching couldn't see the mess behind you?

I have.

Oh how I wish my house was always spotless, always Johanna Gaines decorated, always ready for company at any moment.

But alas, there is not enough time in the day for all the chores of life.

And while I do agree with the advice I was given when my kids were small to prioritize time with them over a perfectly clean house, I also of course want to teach my kids good housekeeping habits and being outnumbered... well, our house can be destroyed much faster than it can be cleaned.

I was reminded of this yesterday when my son sent a video message that proudly displayed their messy room. And let me tell you, I was mortified. I wanted to die of embarrassment. Now, I could go into all the reasons why it was messy.. how busy our lives have been, how booked up our weekends seem to stay, how between homework and dinner and baths there just isn't a lot of time in the day... but truthfully, when it boils down to it... their room is out of sight, and therefore... out of my mind. While it's on their daily chore list to keep it tidy, it's also a smaller room that they both share and so it's just jam packed full of things that make it easy to become disorganized. It's easy to close their door and not realize how bad it gets in there. (This is where I get a trash bag and start donating all their toys to free up space.)

Back to my humiliation. After talking to him about how we don't video our messy room and show people- well, we spent the next hour organizing.

But I realized I was wrong to get on to him. I fussed at him because of embarrassment that the room wasn't "perfect." I didn't want him showing anyone the mess because well.. it's a representation of us, and if our house is a mess, maybe people will think we are a mess... it was a pride thing.

But in reality, should we be afraid for others to see our messy homes? Or to bring it in perspective, should we be afraid for others to know that we as in, our lives are messy and not perfect? Should we be afraid to be real?

I will be real right now, y'all. Kids are gross. Kids are messy. Kids have much more energy than I do. Kids don't come into the world knowing how to keep things tidy. And living with them means occasionally there will be messy rooms that need organizing again.

So, what? What was I afraid of?

I suppose it was just that feeling of opening up in a vulnerable way that allows others to see that I don't always have my life figured out. But of course, like everyone else.. there are moments where I get overwhelmed and can't get it all done. I am sometimes.. a mess.

And that's okay.

Isn't that why God sent Jesus? Not to clean our messy homes but to clean our messy lives. To redeem us. To help us overcome sin. To accept his help we have to realize the mess we are in. And just as I helped my kids to reorganize their toys, God helps us reorganize our lives to get rid of the chaos and bring order.

He sees our mess, and he loves us through it. So stop angling cameras just right to hide the imperfection.. show the world that the imperfection is being transformed daily into something new. Something clean.

It's okay to let others know you don't have it all together- in housework, or in life. That's part of being human. Its also okay to ask for organization advice from people who are naturally more gifted in keeping tidy houses! 😂

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.- PS. 51:10

Joy in every season

Christmas is definitely a season of JOY. At least, we tend to see this word a lot on decorations and Christmas cards this time of year. Our minds easily turn to the nativity scene as we think about the angels rejoicing and praising the Lord the night our Savior was born.

This is the season the world tries to have and show Joy. Carols are sung in nursing homes. Toys are donated to kids in hospitals. The increase of giving is typically a result of lives filled with the joyful spirit of the holidays. But do you show joy in every season, or just at Christmas time?

As I've thought and meditated on my mothering journey, I've realized how often I let Joy escape certain seasons I find myself in; just as most people do in other aspects of life once Christmas passes.

The other day my refrigerator got cleaned out. Lots of old, expired food was thrown away, and my empty cabinets began to fill again with clean Tupperware that had been sitting for too long in that big icebox. As I was cleaning said dishes, I realized how something so simple as keeping up with either eating or tossing leftovers was such a challenge for me. It's like, those dishes are out of sight and out of mind. And I felt defeated. (Sounds a little silly after the fact) But seriously... gross, right? I shouldn't be letting food sit in the back of my fridge for weeks at a time for it to mold. I should be on top of this stuff. But truth be told, I'm just thankful I have the sense enough to know which leftovers are okay to eat and which ones aren't. It's all too easy to close the door and let the dishes hang out in the fridge for a day (or several) more.

After reflecting on why I have such a hard time keeping up with cleaning out the refrigerator, I realized that it's because while that task is an important one.. the task of raising Godly children is MORE important. And I try really hard to juggle my time with them developing their moral character between work and homework, and sleep. Again... not that housework isn't super important too.. and that's not to say I have perfect kids because of all this time I've spent with them. Let's face it. Parenting is hard.

Taking care of a household is hard. The list of important things runs longer than the 24 hours that a day allows for.

And so... joy slips away.

Oh to go back to the toddler days. They were by far my favorite. I absolutely loved the ages from about 15 months to 4. But right now I need joy in the tween years as I try to reconnect with a daughter who is becoming her own person. I need joy in the countless hours it seems I spend working on reading assignments with my son. Or the times he begs me to watch him play video games... Because boys are born with that need for shoulder to shoulder time.

It's not that my kids don't bring me joy. It's just that the amount of emotional energy that goes into keeping up with the constant parenting changes as they age is sometimes more than I have in me. But I want to enjoy them. I want to treasure every moment. I want to be a "good" mom.

But are we as a society still under the impression that you have to somehow be perfect to be considered "good"? If that's the case... we all fail miserably.

Sometimes I think about the relationship I want to have with my kids when they are adults. And that keeps me motivated to pour into them and pursue them. Because I do think it's the parents job to pursue the child.. not the other way around.

Even when they are 30... I still want to pursue them. And the way I believe we stand the best change of relating and having positive influence in our children's lives is by daily making them feel important and loved.

Through every season of Motherhood. Fatherhood. Parenthood.

Joy in every season? Maybe it's possible if we stop trying for perfection and focus on honest pursuit; when we stop getting down on ourselves for where we lack, and just try to relate.

Be human. Be flawed. Be real. Because that's where true joy in motherhood is. In that indescribable bond you can share with your children because you valued them, and they in turn will value you.

Don't let the mundane of the every day struggles take away the joy of the season. Whatever that season is. Diapers to college applications, to grandbabies and beyond. If there is purpose in your parenting, you can have joy in all the moments.

"Be Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."- Rom 12:12

Taking back the Joy of Motherhood

Her tiny face. His wrinkled nose. That first cry; a beautiful sound that makes the last 9 months and specifically the last few hours totally worth it. There is just not much you can compare to the deep rooted feeling of love you feel as you gaze into your child's eyes for the first time. And the Joy; oh the Joy you feel as you go from just a woman to a mother.

But just like most things, Satan soon tries to steal that joy from you.

Constant diaper changes. No sleep. Didn't you just eat child? More feedings. Burping. Walking the halls in the night trying to soothe a screaming baby.

Watching a toddler twenty four seven because they will get into mischief. Teaching manners. Disciplining. Again.

And then there's the school years. That's where I'm at in my mothering journey. School. Activities. Homework assignments. The best way I could describe the school age child rearing years is busy. So busy. And mentally exhausting.

The other day as I was driving home from work, my mind was on the holidays and how quickly they are approaching yet, I have struggled to get into the spirit of them. And I wondered why. Determined to make the most of these chilly Novemeber days,  I decided to surprise the kids with hot chocolate when they got off the bus. I envisioned in my head making the most of the afternoon hours sitting with them while they did their homework, laughing, enjoying the weather with our mugs of warm chocolate goodness.

It was a Leave it to Beaver dream. You know, that picture perfect life of a mother. But I live in an I Love Lucy world. I'm full of flaws in every aspect of life- motherhood included.

I almost burnt the milk I was heating up while waiting outside for the kids. When we got inside and I finally got the hot chocolate made, it was much too hot for one child who quickly complained. This kid wants hot chocolate that is more like room temperature milk. *gag me.* So into the freezer it went for 10 minutes.

Homework took forever, the housework suffered and I ended up cleaning while cooking and constantly reminding the kids to sit back down and focus.

And you know what? That was a good day overall. But by the end of it I felt worn out, stressed, and not... you know, joyful. Once again I felt inadequate in the responsibilities God has given me.

But it's time to take that joy back.

It's time to realize that motherhood is not those picture perfect snapshots posted on instagram.

Motherhood is filled with sacrifice as you pour yourself out and into your child. And while you can't continue pouring yourself out when you are empty and sometimes every mom needs a break to fill back up, there really is Joy in the emptiness, the tired, the stressed when you choose to see that your efforts are not in vain. Really see.

Every time you feel exhausted because of a busy day pouring into your children, choose to see the filling up that they received. Choose to see the memories you made that they may have for a lifetime. Choose joy.

Where do you go for your help? Where do you go for your strength? Where do you turn to refill and recharge?

Too often, I've turned to the mighty internet to answer motherhood questions or seek advice. Too often I've turned to the TV for relaxation and recharging time.

But what does that verse say?

"I lift my eyes unto the screen, where does my help come from? My help comes from technology, the endless source of human knowledge."

No.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth."-Ps 121:1-2 

Time to fix our eyes on the One who made Heaven and earth. That's where we will find the help, strength, and recharging that we need as we walk this journey of motherhood.

I'll be studying the subject of Joy and how it can relate to motherhood for the next few weeks. I hope some other mothers will join me in this challenge to find and renew the Joy of Motherhood.

"...Do not be grieved, the Joy of the Lord is your strength."-Neh 8:10b 

5 things you should do while going through divorce (or any trial)

Okay, so let's get down to some self reflection. Am I the only one that while going through a trial ends up in several pity parties, guest list of one?

Somehow I doubt it. It's human nature to feel sorry for ourselves when life isn't turning out quite right. It's so easy to get down and depressed when our souls are hurting. And while I won't go into why this mentality is destructive to our faith and our lives, I do want to address some ways I've learned to avoid it. Not that I've always followed these things. Don't misunderstand me. Lots of late nights crying floods of tears feeling sorry for myself have been shed in the past.

In the last post I suggested 5 things that people sometimes say to those going through divorce that don't come across as intended. But the responsibility goes both ways. Those going through divorce (or any trial) do not get a pass to act however they feel or say whatever they want because they are hurting. You will hurt relationships that way, and possibly friendships. So, here are 5 things I believe you should do while going through divorce  (or any trial).

5. Count your blessings

I know, this sounds very vague and unhelpful. But stay with me. If you are to avoid feeling sorry for yourself and find growth as a person and more importantly a Christian, you need to remind yourself of God's goodness. It can be as simple as being thankful for a smile across your child's face, or cooler weather that puts you in the holiday spirit. Anything goes. Because when we realize that everything, EVERYTHING is a gift, we start to sift our focus away from self and gain perspective that will carry us through the hard times. This is not easy to do at first. It's not easy to consciously thank God for things that seem trivial compared to the mountain your climbing. Do it anyway.

4. Serve others

When dealing with grief and pain and trials, and specifically divorce,  it's easy to forget our mission as Christians is to serve like Christ. Everything becomes so self centered without even realizing it. But people are still sick, families still lose loved ones, and there are countless opportunities out there to serve others.

Don't misunderstand me. I think there is a time to step back and sit at the feet of Jesus for a while. There is a time to rest in His arms and let Him carry you through the storm. Divorce is a big one, and you won't always have a full cup ready to be poured out into others. But try to want to.

Because there is plenty of opportunity out there to minister, and when you're focused on helping others, there is no time for pity parties.

3. Let others help you

While you don't want to become entitled with a victim mentality, it also takes humility to admit that you do need help, prayers, support, etc. Don't be so filled with pride that you deny others the opportunity to help you out in your time of need.

When I have needed it the most, God's people have shown me so much grace, support and love. I have been helped financially, in counseling, as well as just phone calls or texts. Shutting the world out, and especially God's people will not benefit you spiritually. To everything there is a season. Sometimes that season is to receive blessings from others. Let them help you.

2. Be a student of life

No one is perfect and we will make mistakes. Learn from them. Trials will come. People will disappoint. Hardships are inevitable. But having an attitude that is quick to apply the lessons this life can teach will help you in your journey of becoming more Christ like.

They say the best lessons we can learn are during the hard times of life, and I have found that to be true. But it's so easy sometimes to refuse to listen. It's easy to want to just assume life is getting us down for no good reason. But it's not. God always has a plan to use our trials for His Glory.

And lastly,

1. Let it go

Let go of the bitterness. Let go of the pain. Forgive where it is needed. Extend Grace wherever possible. Don't let your divorce define you for the rest of your life.

Healing takes time, I know this to be true. But focus your energy on letting the past stay in the past and you will find healing much quicker.

It's amazing how different I am now than even a year ago. But this concept of letting go still gets me sometimes. It's a constant, every day intention on my part to take my thoughts captive and leave the negativity behind.

Your relationship status changed. Your value or worth in the eyes of your Father did not.

So let go of your anger, your resentment, and anything else that holds you back.

Did I mention forgiveness? It's not just saying the words. It's an action. It's intentional thinking. But if you cannot forgive those that have wronged you, God will not forgive you. (Matt 6:15)

I know it's a struggle. I still deal with having to forgive offenses on a daily basis. It's a shame to have to admit that. But sometimes forgiveness is really, really hard. I don't pretend to have this thing all figured out. But I know my duty as a child of God is to work on it daily.

Let it go, and trust God that He is taking care of you, slowly creating in you a clean heart.

Remember, He has already overcome the world. (John 16:33)

With love,
Mel