Autumn

And suddenly, there is change in the air. The winds pick up, the leaves turn colors. Something is happening. The temperature drops, the boots come out, and the sun disappears behind foggy clouds.

No more shorts and flip flops. No more sunshine and pool parties. Change is in the air.

Down in the Houston, TX area, Autumn doesn't follow a calendar. It comes and goes when it pleases. Some days it's here, and then it leaves and let's Summer return for a couple days before it suddenly makes another appearance.

Sometimes the temperature drop is a welcome change. Pulling out your fall sweaters and getting ready for the holidays... Autumn can be exciting.

But sometimes the lack of sunshine, the cold rain and crisp wind can be an unwelcome change. You are stuck indoors. Your immune system suffers and you end up with one cold after another. Sometimes change is bad.

Are you in an Autumn season of life? Are you experiencing the Houston version of Fall, where change just keeps coming? Back and forth. Back and forth. Sometimes good change. Sometimes bad change.

Pardon me for sounding like a Dr. Seuss book here, but sometimes that's how life feels. There is so much tossing to and fro.

I don't know many people that really like change. I mean, we enjoy our comfort zones. Our routines. Our normal. At the very least, we don't like negative changes.

One day you're just working and it's a normal day. The next, you're figuring out how you can help the family of a coworker who passed away. Suddenly, there is change in the air.

One day you're enjoying the beach and the waves with family and friends, and you blink and that weekend you are planning a funeral for your mom. Change.

If you are feeling these winds, rest assured you are not alone. We each face times in our lives where our normal disappears and a new normal comes in it's place. Just like the rain in early fall brings about cooler temperatures that remind you winter is coming.

Sometimes our Autumn winds of life are there to warn us that hard times may be coming.

So how do we not only survive the changes, but thrive in them?

Autumn is a season of preparing for what's coming. The trees prepare for winter by "shutting" down in a sense, which causes the leaves to change colors and fall off the branches. Birds get ready to migrate to warmer temperatures. Other animals gather food for the coming months.

God put all of it in motion. And our lives resemble this very thing from time to time. If He created it this way, then He is the one that can get you through it. Maybe the change in your life is His way of preparing you for some hard times coming up... and more importantly, the Spring time that will follow.

I know that's been the case for me. If I told you my story, it would be one of ups and downs and God in the midst of it holding me close and teaching me hard lessons I needed to learn in order to move forward with the next season of life. He has a way of doing that, you know? Using what may be painful experiences of ours to help prepare us for an opportunity in the future.

If you are feeling the crisp, cool air of change, rest assured that Winter won't last forever. Spring will come again.

When you feel Rejected

I tried so hard to be "on." I tried to fit into the conversations around me. I wanted to be charming and sweet; someone that people wanted to be around. But no matter what, I just didn't seem to be able to insert myself into the conversation. Call it "shyness" or "introverted." Call it what you like. This situation and these people were not into me.

I know what it feels like to be left out. I know what it's like to be rejected by others.

I like to tease my friends and family about my middle child syndrome where I claim to have been constantly overlooked and unheard as a child.

But in all seriousness, sometimes even as adults we face times of rejection by others.

There was one situation in particular where I felt this way. Everyone was nice. Everyone was pleasant. But I just didn't fit in with the crowd of people I was with. As they reminisced about fun times I wasn't included in, and planned their next outing that again didn't include me, I couldn't help but feel rejected. In that moment, I felt as if it was me somehow. I wasn't good enough in their eyes to hang with them.

I think as we get older we begin to realize who "our people" are. And it makes it much easier when others don't find us as charming as we actually are.

But sometimes it's something more serious that is heart breaking and soul damaging. Sometimes we face real, deep, painful rejection.

So how do we overcome these feelings? How do we "move on" when it continually creeps up in our life and heart?

The other day a passage in Isaiah stuck out to me as I read it.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. 

But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. - Isaiah 53:3-5

When I read this passage some things just jumped out at me that proved to be profound to my heart.

Not because they are super deep, spiritual truths, but actually quite opposite. Sometimes for me, the simplest bible truths have the hardest time sinking deep into my soul. Maybe it's because these truths are easy to forget when I am feeling down, or because the enemy tries very hard to steal these truths from my heart.

1: Jesus knows the feeling of rejection.

There it is, plain as day in scripture. He was rejected by men. Men hid their faces from Him. We really can bring those feelings and situations to Him when we go through them. He understands the pain in our heart. How often have I forgotten to take my burden to Him, and instead sat around drowning in my own feelings of insecurity? Why do I sometimes take other peoples opinions of me and stamp them to my forehead as if they are true? Sure, I may not be this person's favorite, or I may have poured out love to someone who didn't appreciate what I was trying to give.. or my personality may clash with someone and we just will never be anything but civil to each other.. But that doesn't determine ANYTHING about my worth. After all, if anyone who has ever lived had great worth.. it's Christ. And he was rejected too.

2: He carried our grief and sorrow to the cross.

There is no need for self pity. That grief and sorrow has already been dealt with in love. He went through it for us, so we could release those feelings to Him. That pain can be taken from us, and true acceptance and value is given in return. He gives us our worth because of the cross. So, the next time we feel rejected by someone, we can give it to Jesus and let Him take it to the cross. Let Him show us His thoughts about us. He values us so much that He went through all He did just to give us a chance to be with Him. Through His wounds on the cross, we are healed; healed from sin, healed from shame, healed from yes - the feeling of rejection.

Jesus offers more than just eternal salvation- as if that wasn't enough- He offers healing now. Oh what a beautiful thought!

If you are feeling lonely or dealing with the pain of rejection, I hope this passage gives you peace and comfort to know what your Savior has done for you. Read it again. Not only does he understand, but he went through it too, so that you could know his opinion of you - which is the only one that matters.

So, some practical advice from one person to the next?

Ask God to show you who He wants you to do life with. Ask Him to help you find "your people." He can and will lead you to Godly friends and influences who will see the worth you have in Christ and be there for you through all the good and bad times in life that may come. He can send influences that will help you become the best version of yourself that you can be. Within the fellowship of God's people, you will find where you "fit in." You will find that place where you belong. You'll find family that values you. Don't lose heart, my friend. You are loved.


-Mel

Control

I don't know about anyone else, perhaps I am alone on an island with this, (doubtful) but... I like to feel like I am in control of my circumstances. I mean, not like... in a dominating personality-have-to-have-the-last-say kind of way, just... in general I don't like to feel like my life is in total chaos. I like to feel that I control the chaos, at the very least.

I fight this need for control on a daily basis; constantly striving to strike the balance between owning my decisions and responsibilities and understanding that life is bigger than me and much of the time out of my control.

I was reminded of this again this week when my daughter got the norovirus...again. This was the third short round of "laying on the bathroom floor" that my children have gone through in less than a month. It was the third round of "wash all the sheets whether they need it or not;" the third round of "bleach all the things."

As a former homeschooler with a sense of humor, I'd like to be able to blame the public school system and their germs as the reason my kids have been sick. But of course the truth is, germs are everywhere, and there's no telling where they got them.

(As I'm sitting here writing this, I am remembering that I have written on the stomach virus before.. a couple years ago when we missed our family Thanksgiving thanks to this bug. You can find that post HERE

Two years is enough time to go by before talking about vomit again, right?)

Anywho... The last few months- #honestytime- have been pretty stressful for me. I have so many goals for myself and my family that I am working hard to achieve and several of life's little stresses have messed up my plans.

I have prayed, I have begged and cried out to God to help me accomplish some of these life goals I'm working so hard for. And time and time again something happens to push those goals back.

Well, after two rounds of this stomach flu (1 for each kid) and all that goes with that- missing work, extra housework, etc- I was not expecting this third round. I didn't see it coming.

But, as with anything in life, once it happened, we just jumped into survival mode and worked it out. (Thank God for family who understands my circumstances and is always so willing to jump in and help, even at the risk of germs.)

I've learned a great lesson through the years about control, and it's never fresher on my mind than when life has to stop for a couple days to get passed a stomach bug.

Just like we never know or have real control over when a virus will strike... we don't have control over other, more important aspects of life. We are victims of time and chance.

But you know what? When you realize and accept this lack of control, you get a real peace in your soul that is beyond any other feeling. I mean... no more worrying, no more stressing.. no more overthinking... just rest in the knowledge that someone bigger and smarter is working it all out.

Sadly, a virus like the stomach flu, or even influenza or whatever it may be is one of the only times I actually tend to slow down in life.

I mean, there is school for kids, work for me, housework, cooking, laundry... church activities, extended family activities, and on and on.. there is not enough time in a week for everything.. But when a virus hits, it is like a vacation from all those things...

Yes, you miss out on church services, or work, or school... But you gain a day (or two) of rest from life. I have learned through the years to appreciate that time. I suppose time and chance is really all that is responsible for it, but sometimes I'd like to think it's God's way of slowing me down for a bit.

Because it's in these times that I am home mothering a sick child that I am able to think, reflect and pray in a quiet that is rare in our house. And it is in these moments that He softly whispers to me, "I have everything under control. Give your burden to me."

That's right... I can't control what any given day, week or year will look like.. but He can, and does. He uses all that I face on a daily basis as an opportunity for me to grow.

So I reach into my pockets, grab my need for control and give it to Him. I then sit and rest in His presence, and trust that He understands my concerns, needs and desires even better than I do.

He is my provider. He is all I need in the driver's seat. It's okay that I'm not in control, because I know that He is.

The joy in being a "boy mom"

Hot wheels cars and legos all over the floor, super hero action figures in the bath, couches that serve as platforms to fly into the air and do a super cool stunt... just a few of the things I love about being a boy mom.

I love it because watching his imagination from a toddler until now has been pure joy.

But that joy has come with a few times of "get off the couch like that," "you are not a monkey," and "didn't I tell you to pick up these legos?" as you grab your barefoot that just stepped on them..

Being a boy mom has been so much fun. Seeing adventure through his eyes has brought the kid out in me ever since he was born. I have been a horse on my hands and knees underneath a cowboy. I have thrown him in the air on my feet as he pretends to be an airplane. I have fought and lost to a superhero. I've raced hot wheels cars across the house. And yes, I've made several legos sets from start to finish. #likeaboss

I remember when he was first born, looking at his sweet sleeping face and realizing I was in love. Every sound he made, every little smile... they all just melted my heart.

There is just nothing better in life than little boy snuggles. And oh the times his little three year old arms would reach around me and protectively grab my shoulder as if to tell the world, "she is mine."

I will never forget all the times I have gotten proposed to by a toddler.

These days I look at my son and I see something different. He is no longer a baby, but a boy. He doesn't have a baby look to him anymore. He is losing his baby charm. Now, I see a young man that is active, strong, and independent. Oh he still has several years to go before he is grown... but it is coming quicker than I would like.

You see, being a boy mom has been almost all joy... But there is this one little thing.

Someday I have to give him away.

Someday I won't be the one that gets all his kisses. Someday I may have to beg for a hug. Someday he will stop coming to my room at night telling me about his bad dream.

Someday I'll dance with him to our song and he'll be taller than me. Broader than me. Stronger than me.

Someday he'll go off to start his own family, and he will have a different girl in his life.

Oh, I'll always be his mom. But I will have to step back, and let another woman finish raising him. I'll have to let her take care of him, love him, and become his number one.

I'll have to settle for second place in his heart. I know this day is coming. I know this will be the normal, natural process of life. But I know my mama heart will hurt just a little when it happens. In the meantime I'll teach him to be a gentleman. I'll teach him to be kind. I'll tell him real men work hard to provide and care for their families. I'll do my best to raise him to be the kind of man God wants him to be, and the kind of man that woman who will take my place will need.

For now, I'll treasure these little boy grins. Because before I know it, he'll be all grown up, and leave my nest to build one for her. And that's okay, I suppose.

The joy in being a "girl mom"

I looked at my daughter yesterday, half grown.... and remembered when she fit in my arms and I sang her to sleep.

Having a daughter has been and is one of the hardest challenges of my young life. I was just 22 the day she was born, and I had no idea what the next ten years would bring.

Her favorite show as a little tot was The Backyardigans... then it was Dora the Explorer. I celebrated many times as Map and Backpack helped Dora with whatever adventure she was on.

My daughter became my immediate best friend; following me around, wanting to help cook, help with baby brother, help with the cleaning, cuddle and watch mommy's show with me... I never lacked for her company in those days.

Those days..... Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell my younger self how much she would treasure them later on. Because those days of toddler hood, well, they were long. They were hard. They were full of tears. Sometimes she cried too.

But those days are precious memories that I keep close to my heart. I'll never forget when she put on my heels and pranced around or when she wore a crown on her head for days because she was a princess.

The laughter, the giggles, the poses when the camera came out, and the hugs... oh, the sweet, little girl hugs. I will treasure those days.

I looked at my daughter yesterday, half grown... and thought about who she will become.

I hope she is strong. I hope she is confident. I hope she is kind.

I pray she is spiritual. I pray she is humble. I pray she is fiercely loyal.

I hope she sees nothing but good days, but I know the reality is she will face hard ones. I hope she has the faith to see those days through, and the wisdom to know who gets her through them.

I hope she always knows that I am here to offer encouragement and love. But I hope she understands her own ability to live her life and make her own choices.

I hope she makes good ones.

I pray for the woman my daughter will become. This world is crazy, and she will one day navigate it under a roof that is not mine. I pray she looks to God as the Lord of her life.

Being a mom to an emotional, beautiful girl has had it's challenges, and I know there will be more.

When she hurts, I hurt. I know there may be broken hearts in her future. What teenage girl doesn't experience at least a little pain? But I'll be right there with chocolate and a chick flick. I will be a listening ear if she chooses to let me hear her thoughts. Yeah, there is probably some pain ahead. But I am ready for the years to come. Because suddenly they don't seem long anymore. The years are flying by.

Having a daughter has been deeply rewarding. I am after all, raising my best friend. She may not follow me around the same way anymore, or offer to help clean (ha!) but we are ever learning to connect in new ways. I hope we remain close even into her adult years.

There is just nothing like the bond between mothers and daughters. #girlmom

Contentment

I have had it on my heart lately to write about my struggle with contentment. Strike that. I've struggled with contentment lately and I always feel better after writing out my thoughts.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. -Phil. 4:11

Am I the only one that feels completely convicted when I read this verse?

I mean, if anyone is allowed to complain about life or struggles as a Christian, isn't it Paul? Just read 2 Corinthians 11 where he talks about the beatings, stoning, shipwrecks, inprisonment, etc he had endured. And yet in Philippians, he actually says he has learned to be content.

It probably doesn't come naturally to most of us.. this idea of contentment. Nobody wants to be unhappy or in distress in some way.

But the reality is that life will not always go our way. See there is this tendency as humans to think that we have life figured out when times are good.

"We worked hard to get where we are at."

We tend to take credit for our successes.

But then.. the fall happens. We work hard and still fail.

And we realize we are not in control of our circumstances. Not really, anyway.

I had one such realization at a critical time in my life where I just felt I couldn't take the stresses anymore. I felt I had been emptied of everything within my control and was just drowning in the waves.

It was not such a "happy" time. But I did realize something. God has a purpose for everything. Just as Paul may not have known at the time why so many things were happening to him.. God used his experiences to teach countless others even 2000 years later how to keep the right perspective and learn this great quality of contentment.

And in my own life, the times I have been down have served as a teacher to help me learn valuable lessons for my future. I can either learn from the past or I can continue to repeat it.

So as I still struggle from time to time with being content in whatever circumstance I may find myself in, I remind myself of the example we see in Paul.

He knew there were bigger things at play. And I should remember this too.

No matter if life is going great or going bad, I am still not in control. But God..

God is. And I'm so very thankful for that. There is peace inside when you surrender to His plan. And that's the start of finding Godly contentment and the great gain that it is for our soul.

Keep overcoming friends!

Growth, not Perfection

At the end of last school year, a few months ago I was walking to my daughter's classroom after the 4th grade awards to pick her up and ended up right beside her teacher as we made our way down the hall. This teacher preceded to tell another teacher nearby which student I was the mother of, and they both just spilled over praise about how well behaved, sweet, and smart she is.

"Both of your kids are great, actually," her teacher told me. "You are the mother of perfection!"

I was taken aback, but of course proud of her comment. And then I remember thinking... are there not very many good, well behaved kids out there anymore? Why else would she act so shocked that my kid obeys the rules?

Perhaps the public school system needs more good, Christian families whose children can shine a light and be a good example to their peers.

Fast forward to a few nights ago, and my son told me about a boy that disobeys the rules a lot in his class. He said this kid is new, yet didn't understand how he could still not know the rules in their 3rd full week of school.

I explained to him that some kids may have a harder time learning or obeying the rules than others, or they might be having a bad day and in a bad mood, or maybe their parents haven't taught them that they need to obey the rules...

Both kids told me they wanted this year to end just like last year... where their teachers just beam about how well behaved they are.

Proud again, but conscious of the fact that they could be growing into little people pleasers... I asked them why they wanted to obey the rules. These were their responses.

*Because it's the right thing to do
*To be respectful
*To be an example to others
*Because the rules are there to protect us

So I took that moment to remind them that the goal shouldn't be "just so their teachers like them" but that it should be for all the reasons they mentioned... and because most importantly, God expects it from us.

Contrary to what my daughter's teacher said that day... my kids actually aren't perfect. Of course they are far from it. Even though my expectations of them are pretty high as a parent, they often fall short of it. Oh the times they have driven me crazy with their choices to disobey. But alas, that's childhood.

But you know what? I sometimes want perfection in my spiritual life... but fall so short of it too.  Because perfection is not something we can ever reach.. But you know what we can reach?

Higher than yesterday.

It's the growth mindset.

That attitude takes away the shame of missing the mark, and leaves instead constant praise that something, anything is improving in our behavior or attitude.

Just as I wouldn't expect a new kid to know and obey all the rules the first week of class, but would expect some knowledge and obedience three weeks in, I can't expect my kids to know how to behave in every situation, all the time. But I can expect that as we come across something new, they listen and absorb and try harder next time.

And the same is true as Christians. Growth as a Christian means that we WILL miss the mark. And then another mark. And then another. But hopefully along the way, we are absorbing, and learning, and coming closer to getting it right as we go.

Jesus Himself said that He didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. (Luke 5:32) He knew we wouldn't always get it right.

Remember that next time you feel like you're not quite where you want to be.

Don't get discouraged; instead, strive for slow, steady growth.

Kind of like our children.. who we have watched steadily grow and learn and change from babies to big kids, from little terrors to (hopefully) respectful young people.

Our walk as a Christian is the same. We won't always hit the bullseye, but if we are growing, then we are doing something right.

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.- 2 Peter 1:5-7