Old Fashioned Parenting

I took this picture the other day. As you can see, my kitchen is nowhere near spotless. The island bar has several things on it. The stove and counter in the back both have dinner dishes spread everywhere and they definitely needed wiped down.

This is real life. This is so UN-instagram ready. But I love this picture. Because it tells a story.

This picture represents to me a moment in time that is fleeting; a moment in time so often taken for granted. My children were helping me prepare dinner. Actually, my son was creating a dessert for us... mini chocolate chips, cut up pretzel sticks and honey in a bowl. As I stood there watching them in the kitchen, I realized it may have been the first time all three of us were "cooking" dinner together. Usually one or both of them are off doing their own thing while I cook. I have my daughter help me from time to time, but both of them... I'm just not sure it had ever happened on a random evening that wasn't a holiday or special occasion. That family time together was precious. It was totally photo worthy, and it was a great reminder of the things that matter.

I want to old fashioned parent. I want more family times together, and less of each of us staring at our own screens.

More and more research comes out every year about the negative effects of screen time and technology on this generation of children. Not only in how seeing their parents on devices makes them feel less important, but spending time on these devices themselves is causing depression and loneliness in children. This generation is missing something that even my generation had; uninterrupted attention of their parents. Don't get me wrong. Every generation of parents have had their moments of being preoccupied and not tuning in to their kids. But smart phones have taken distraction to a whole new level.

But oh how difficult it is to stay away from these things in this narcissistic, instant gratification society.

That evening I made a decision. We will cook more as a family in the future. I will let them make a mess in my kitchen, even if it means more cleaning afterwards. Because those are memories we will all take with us after they are grown.

When I think about my parenting... what I feel I'm doing right, what I feel I need improvement on... I always keep a couple things in mind.

1. The goal of raising mature, Christian adults.
2. The memories of their childhood home I want them to have.

In any decision of parenting, I always try to keep the main goal in mind. But second to that is the reality that they WILL take away things from childhood- some good, some bad. I want them to remember times spent together, not time on a screen. I want them to remember living life and sharing experiences, not creating virtual ones alone in their bedroom.

This post isn't really about social media or technology... I'll step off my soapbox now.. But just a reminder to myself to not zone out in the evenings. I want to find these perfectly imperfect moments of child rearing- like messes in the kitchen- and cherish them. To encourage creativity in my children. To laugh together often. Because I'm as guilty as anyone to be that distracted parent always scrolling through social media on my phone instead of being present with the people in the room.

There was a time when I took a hard look at our household and saw that while we didn't have any major conflicts, we also lacked joy and laughter. I worked on that in 2018. A lot.

And now it's time to think about 2019. I just want to create memories this year that they will remember for always. I want them to remember that their mother cared to spend quality time with them. I want them to feel more important than my emails, or facebook.

I want to slow down time and not feel so rushed all the time. I want family dinners and reading scripture around the living room. I want I Love Lucy reruns. I want to enjoy these ordinary moments while they are here.

Because one day... they won't be. And whether good or bad, the things they experienced in my home will shape how they view the world. It's such a scary, sobering thought.

2019 will be here before we know it. And this year I am refocusing again. This year I plan to create memories, laugh, love, and enjoy life. Less frivolous, time wasting activities, and more family time with intention to teach the Godly lessons I want them to learn. I'm calling it old fashioned parenting. And I think it's what this attention starved generation of children need. Who is with me?

He never failed me yet

Let me tell you about what I hope will be the worst year of my life.

2013 I was a stay at home mom to a 4 and 1 year old. They would turn 5 and 2 during the summer. By April my marriage was obviously in trouble. In May my mom and younger siblings were in a car accident that ended in her sudden death.

Both of those things stand out to me as being extremely significant in getting me to where I am today.

Because I had marriage problems, I put my mothers death and my grief on hold. As big of a deal as it was, it took second place to trying to fix my marriage.

But I was so very alone.

No one else in my circle of friends and family had faced what I was facing. My immediate family were all grieving the accident that took my mom, so I didn't want to burden them with my problems. I really only talked to my older sister, and sister in law. For the most part I suffered in silence.

I've discussed a little of this in previous blogs. That was a very low point in my life. I questioned God, I questioned my faith, I prayed like never before and studied like never before.

And still... nothing changed. My marriage continued to slowly die over the next 3 years. Nothing changed. Except me.

Sometimes when people go through hard times, or something extremely traumatic, they get stuck mentally and emotionally. They find it hard to move past those events.

I get it. I have struggled myself. But I don't talk about my hard times or struggles because I'm stuck emotionally; I talk about them because I'm proof of a God that never fails His children. These events have become a big part of my testimony, and why I am passionate about God today.

Let me tell you about 2018. I started the year studying for a certification exam and passed it in March, becoming a certified professional coder. That's fancy words for "I take what the doctor does with a patient and turn it into a billable code so the insurance company will pay it." It may not sound like much, and in the big scheme of careers and education it's not, but it was a huge step and accomplishment for me because of where the last five years have taken me. I have now been working at the same company for 3 years. This year I have taken on much more responsibility, which I love. I am a divorced mom of two beautiful kids, but for the most part I get along with their dad, and we've found a good routine of co-parenting. I have been able to open up more to friends and family and let them into my heart, and so I'm feeling much less alone. In fact, I know I'm NOT alone.

This Thanksgiving as I thought about everything I am thankful for, I just couldn't help comparing where I've been with where I am now. God has brought me through some dark times, and given me a life that I absolutely love. I am living proof of His faithfulness.

So where am I going with this?

Well, I have had several holiday seasons in the last few years where I struggled to be thankful and joyful because I was in the midst of a storm. Those holidays were hard. And maybe that's where you're at. Maybe you're struggling. Maybe your problems are public knowledge, or maybe they are hidden and no one realizes you're suffering. Either way, it can make the holiday season a difficult one.

I know what it's like to feel alone, and it's not a good feeling. So I beg you to please reach out. Tell someone. Ask for help. Ask for prayer. Ask for accountability. Let someone into your heart and struggles. You don't have to go through any trial alone. Most of all draw closer to God. Don't underestimate the power of prayer.

Sometimes we don't see immediate changes. I know I didn't. Sometimes they aren't so tangible. Sometimes we have to step back and look at the big picture to see where we were and where we are now. But God is faithful. He may not answer our prayers the way we want, but rest assured that He answers them. In 2013 I prayed for a healed marriage. In 2018 I thank God for the way He answered those prayers because He knew far better than me what I needed.

I hope a little of my story has been encouraging. I hope it speaks to His Grace. As always, this blog is meant to be real about life, but also to renew that overcomer spirit in all of us. If God be for us, who can be against us?

We are not alone. He is faithful, and will not fail His children. No matter what tomorrow may hold, I know He'll be by my side. And He will stay by yours too. Rest in that promise.

Autumn

And suddenly, there is change in the air. The winds pick up, the leaves turn colors. Something is happening. The temperature drops, the boots come out, and the sun disappears behind foggy clouds.

No more shorts and flip flops. No more sunshine and pool parties. Change is in the air.

Down in the Houston, TX area, Autumn doesn't follow a calendar. It comes and goes when it pleases. Some days it's here, and then it leaves and let's Summer return for a couple days before it suddenly makes another appearance.

Sometimes the temperature drop is a welcome change. Pulling out your fall sweaters and getting ready for the holidays... Autumn can be exciting.

But sometimes the lack of sunshine, the cold rain and crisp wind can be an unwelcome change. You are stuck indoors. Your immune system suffers and you end up with one cold after another. Sometimes change is bad.

Are you in an Autumn season of life? Are you experiencing the Houston version of Fall, where change just keeps coming? Back and forth. Back and forth. Sometimes good change. Sometimes bad change.

Pardon me for sounding like a Dr. Seuss book here, but sometimes that's how life feels. There is so much tossing to and fro.

I don't know many people that really like change. I mean, we enjoy our comfort zones. Our routines. Our normal. At the very least, we don't like negative changes.

One day you're just working and it's a normal day. The next, you're figuring out how you can help the family of a coworker who passed away. Suddenly, there is change in the air.

One day you're enjoying the beach and the waves with family and friends, and you blink and that weekend you are planning a funeral for your mom. Change.

If you are feeling these winds, rest assured you are not alone. We each face times in our lives where our normal disappears and a new normal comes in it's place. Just like the rain in early fall brings about cooler temperatures that remind you winter is coming.

Sometimes our Autumn winds of life are there to warn us that hard times may be coming.

So how do we not only survive the changes, but thrive in them?

Autumn is a season of preparing for what's coming. The trees prepare for winter by "shutting" down in a sense, which causes the leaves to change colors and fall off the branches. Birds get ready to migrate to warmer temperatures. Other animals gather food for the coming months.

God put all of it in motion. And our lives resemble this very thing from time to time. If He created it this way, then He is the one that can get you through it. Maybe the change in your life is His way of preparing you for some hard times coming up... and more importantly, the Spring time that will follow.

I know that's been the case for me. If I told you my story, it would be one of ups and downs and God in the midst of it holding me close and teaching me hard lessons I needed to learn in order to move forward with the next season of life. He has a way of doing that, you know? Using what may be painful experiences of ours to help prepare us for an opportunity in the future.

If you are feeling the crisp, cool air of change, rest assured that Winter won't last forever. Spring will come again.

When you feel Rejected

I tried so hard to be "on." I tried to fit into the conversations around me. I wanted to be charming and sweet; someone that people wanted to be around. But no matter what, I just didn't seem to be able to insert myself into the conversation. Call it "shyness" or "introverted." Call it what you like. This situation and these people were not into me.

I know what it feels like to be left out. I know what it's like to be rejected by others.

I like to tease my friends and family about my middle child syndrome where I claim to have been constantly overlooked and unheard as a child.

But in all seriousness, sometimes even as adults we face times of rejection by others.

There was one situation in particular where I felt this way. Everyone was nice. Everyone was pleasant. But I just didn't fit in with the crowd of people I was with. As they reminisced about fun times I wasn't included in, and planned their next outing that again didn't include me, I couldn't help but feel rejected. In that moment, I felt as if it was me somehow. I wasn't good enough in their eyes to hang with them.

I think as we get older we begin to realize who "our people" are. And it makes it much easier when others don't find us as charming as we actually are.

But sometimes it's something more serious that is heart breaking and soul damaging. Sometimes we face real, deep, painful rejection.

So how do we overcome these feelings? How do we "move on" when it continually creeps up in our life and heart?

The other day a passage in Isaiah stuck out to me as I read it.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. 

But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. - Isaiah 53:3-5

When I read this passage some things just jumped out at me that proved to be profound to my heart.

Not because they are super deep, spiritual truths, but actually quite opposite. Sometimes for me, the simplest bible truths have the hardest time sinking deep into my soul. Maybe it's because these truths are easy to forget when I am feeling down, or because the enemy tries very hard to steal these truths from my heart.

1: Jesus knows the feeling of rejection.

There it is, plain as day in scripture. He was rejected by men. Men hid their faces from Him. We really can bring those feelings and situations to Him when we go through them. He understands the pain in our heart. How often have I forgotten to take my burden to Him, and instead sat around drowning in my own feelings of insecurity? Why do I sometimes take other peoples opinions of me and stamp them to my forehead as if they are true? Sure, I may not be this person's favorite, or I may have poured out love to someone who didn't appreciate what I was trying to give.. or my personality may clash with someone and we just will never be anything but civil to each other.. But that doesn't determine ANYTHING about my worth. After all, if anyone who has ever lived had great worth.. it's Christ. And he was rejected too.

2: He carried our grief and sorrow to the cross.

There is no need for self pity. That grief and sorrow has already been dealt with in love. He went through it for us, so we could release those feelings to Him. That pain can be taken from us, and true acceptance and value is given in return. He gives us our worth because of the cross. So, the next time we feel rejected by someone, we can give it to Jesus and let Him take it to the cross. Let Him show us His thoughts about us. He values us so much that He went through all He did just to give us a chance to be with Him. Through His wounds on the cross, we are healed; healed from sin, healed from shame, healed from yes - the feeling of rejection.

Jesus offers more than just eternal salvation- as if that wasn't enough- He offers healing now. Oh what a beautiful thought!

If you are feeling lonely or dealing with the pain of rejection, I hope this passage gives you peace and comfort to know what your Savior has done for you. Read it again. Not only does he understand, but he went through it too, so that you could know his opinion of you - which is the only one that matters.

So, some practical advice from one person to the next?

Ask God to show you who He wants you to do life with. Ask Him to help you find "your people." He can and will lead you to Godly friends and influences who will see the worth you have in Christ and be there for you through all the good and bad times in life that may come. He can send influences that will help you become the best version of yourself that you can be. Within the fellowship of God's people, you will find where you "fit in." You will find that place where you belong. You'll find family that values you. Don't lose heart, my friend. You are loved.


-Mel

Control

I don't know about anyone else, perhaps I am alone on an island with this, (doubtful) but... I like to feel like I am in control of my circumstances. I mean, not like... in a dominating personality-have-to-have-the-last-say kind of way, just... in general I don't like to feel like my life is in total chaos. I like to feel that I control the chaos, at the very least.

I fight this need for control on a daily basis; constantly striving to strike the balance between owning my decisions and responsibilities and understanding that life is bigger than me and much of the time out of my control.

I was reminded of this again this week when my daughter got the norovirus...again. This was the third short round of "laying on the bathroom floor" that my children have gone through in less than a month. It was the third round of "wash all the sheets whether they need it or not;" the third round of "bleach all the things."

As a former homeschooler with a sense of humor, I'd like to be able to blame the public school system and their germs as the reason my kids have been sick. But of course the truth is, germs are everywhere, and there's no telling where they got them.

(As I'm sitting here writing this, I am remembering that I have written on the stomach virus before.. a couple years ago when we missed our family Thanksgiving thanks to this bug. You can find that post HERE

Two years is enough time to go by before talking about vomit again, right?)

Anywho... The last few months- #honestytime- have been pretty stressful for me. I have so many goals for myself and my family that I am working hard to achieve and several of life's little stresses have messed up my plans.

I have prayed, I have begged and cried out to God to help me accomplish some of these life goals I'm working so hard for. And time and time again something happens to push those goals back.

Well, after two rounds of this stomach flu (1 for each kid) and all that goes with that- missing work, extra housework, etc- I was not expecting this third round. I didn't see it coming.

But, as with anything in life, once it happened, we just jumped into survival mode and worked it out. (Thank God for family who understands my circumstances and is always so willing to jump in and help, even at the risk of germs.)

I've learned a great lesson through the years about control, and it's never fresher on my mind than when life has to stop for a couple days to get passed a stomach bug.

Just like we never know or have real control over when a virus will strike... we don't have control over other, more important aspects of life. We are victims of time and chance.

But you know what? When you realize and accept this lack of control, you get a real peace in your soul that is beyond any other feeling. I mean... no more worrying, no more stressing.. no more overthinking... just rest in the knowledge that someone bigger and smarter is working it all out.

Sadly, a virus like the stomach flu, or even influenza or whatever it may be is one of the only times I actually tend to slow down in life.

I mean, there is school for kids, work for me, housework, cooking, laundry... church activities, extended family activities, and on and on.. there is not enough time in a week for everything.. But when a virus hits, it is like a vacation from all those things...

Yes, you miss out on church services, or work, or school... But you gain a day (or two) of rest from life. I have learned through the years to appreciate that time. I suppose time and chance is really all that is responsible for it, but sometimes I'd like to think it's God's way of slowing me down for a bit.

Because it's in these times that I am home mothering a sick child that I am able to think, reflect and pray in a quiet that is rare in our house. And it is in these moments that He softly whispers to me, "I have everything under control. Give your burden to me."

That's right... I can't control what any given day, week or year will look like.. but He can, and does. He uses all that I face on a daily basis as an opportunity for me to grow.

So I reach into my pockets, grab my need for control and give it to Him. I then sit and rest in His presence, and trust that He understands my concerns, needs and desires even better than I do.

He is my provider. He is all I need in the driver's seat. It's okay that I'm not in control, because I know that He is.

The joy in being a "boy mom"

Hot wheels cars and legos all over the floor, super hero action figures in the bath, couches that serve as platforms to fly into the air and do a super cool stunt... just a few of the things I love about being a boy mom.

I love it because watching his imagination from a toddler until now has been pure joy.

But that joy has come with a few times of "get off the couch like that," "you are not a monkey," and "didn't I tell you to pick up these legos?" as you grab your barefoot that just stepped on them..

Being a boy mom has been so much fun. Seeing adventure through his eyes has brought the kid out in me ever since he was born. I have been a horse on my hands and knees underneath a cowboy. I have thrown him in the air on my feet as he pretends to be an airplane. I have fought and lost to a superhero. I've raced hot wheels cars across the house. And yes, I've made several legos sets from start to finish. #likeaboss

I remember when he was first born, looking at his sweet sleeping face and realizing I was in love. Every sound he made, every little smile... they all just melted my heart.

There is just nothing better in life than little boy snuggles. And oh the times his little three year old arms would reach around me and protectively grab my shoulder as if to tell the world, "she is mine."

I will never forget all the times I have gotten proposed to by a toddler.

These days I look at my son and I see something different. He is no longer a baby, but a boy. He doesn't have a baby look to him anymore. He is losing his baby charm. Now, I see a young man that is active, strong, and independent. Oh he still has several years to go before he is grown... but it is coming quicker than I would like.

You see, being a boy mom has been almost all joy... But there is this one little thing.

Someday I have to give him away.

Someday I won't be the one that gets all his kisses. Someday I may have to beg for a hug. Someday he will stop coming to my room at night telling me about his bad dream.

Someday I'll dance with him to our song and he'll be taller than me. Broader than me. Stronger than me.

Someday he'll go off to start his own family, and he will have a different girl in his life.

Oh, I'll always be his mom. But I will have to step back, and let another woman finish raising him. I'll have to let her take care of him, love him, and become his number one.

I'll have to settle for second place in his heart. I know this day is coming. I know this will be the normal, natural process of life. But I know my mama heart will hurt just a little when it happens. In the meantime I'll teach him to be a gentleman. I'll teach him to be kind. I'll tell him real men work hard to provide and care for their families. I'll do my best to raise him to be the kind of man God wants him to be, and the kind of man that woman who will take my place will need.

For now, I'll treasure these little boy grins. Because before I know it, he'll be all grown up, and leave my nest to build one for her. And that's okay, I suppose.

The joy in being a "girl mom"

I looked at my daughter yesterday, half grown.... and remembered when she fit in my arms and I sang her to sleep.

Having a daughter has been and is one of the hardest challenges of my young life. I was just 22 the day she was born, and I had no idea what the next ten years would bring.

Her favorite show as a little tot was The Backyardigans... then it was Dora the Explorer. I celebrated many times as Map and Backpack helped Dora with whatever adventure she was on.

My daughter became my immediate best friend; following me around, wanting to help cook, help with baby brother, help with the cleaning, cuddle and watch mommy's show with me... I never lacked for her company in those days.

Those days..... Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell my younger self how much she would treasure them later on. Because those days of toddler hood, well, they were long. They were hard. They were full of tears. Sometimes she cried too.

But those days are precious memories that I keep close to my heart. I'll never forget when she put on my heels and pranced around or when she wore a crown on her head for days because she was a princess.

The laughter, the giggles, the poses when the camera came out, and the hugs... oh, the sweet, little girl hugs. I will treasure those days.

I looked at my daughter yesterday, half grown... and thought about who she will become.

I hope she is strong. I hope she is confident. I hope she is kind.

I pray she is spiritual. I pray she is humble. I pray she is fiercely loyal.

I hope she sees nothing but good days, but I know the reality is she will face hard ones. I hope she has the faith to see those days through, and the wisdom to know who gets her through them.

I hope she always knows that I am here to offer encouragement and love. But I hope she understands her own ability to live her life and make her own choices.

I hope she makes good ones.

I pray for the woman my daughter will become. This world is crazy, and she will one day navigate it under a roof that is not mine. I pray she looks to God as the Lord of her life.

Being a mom to an emotional, beautiful girl has had it's challenges, and I know there will be more.

When she hurts, I hurt. I know there may be broken hearts in her future. What teenage girl doesn't experience at least a little pain? But I'll be right there with chocolate and a chick flick. I will be a listening ear if she chooses to let me hear her thoughts. Yeah, there is probably some pain ahead. But I am ready for the years to come. Because suddenly they don't seem long anymore. The years are flying by.

Having a daughter has been deeply rewarding. I am after all, raising my best friend. She may not follow me around the same way anymore, or offer to help clean (ha!) but we are ever learning to connect in new ways. I hope we remain close even into her adult years.

There is just nothing like the bond between mothers and daughters. #girlmom

Contentment

I have had it on my heart lately to write about my struggle with contentment. Strike that. I've struggled with contentment lately and I always feel better after writing out my thoughts.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. -Phil. 4:11

Am I the only one that feels completely convicted when I read this verse?

I mean, if anyone is allowed to complain about life or struggles as a Christian, isn't it Paul? Just read 2 Corinthians 11 where he talks about the beatings, stoning, shipwrecks, inprisonment, etc he had endured. And yet in Philippians, he actually says he has learned to be content.

It probably doesn't come naturally to most of us.. this idea of contentment. Nobody wants to be unhappy or in distress in some way.

But the reality is that life will not always go our way. See there is this tendency as humans to think that we have life figured out when times are good.

"We worked hard to get where we are at."

We tend to take credit for our successes.

But then.. the fall happens. We work hard and still fail.

And we realize we are not in control of our circumstances. Not really, anyway.

I had one such realization at a critical time in my life where I just felt I couldn't take the stresses anymore. I felt I had been emptied of everything within my control and was just drowning in the waves.

It was not such a "happy" time. But I did realize something. God has a purpose for everything. Just as Paul may not have known at the time why so many things were happening to him.. God used his experiences to teach countless others even 2000 years later how to keep the right perspective and learn this great quality of contentment.

And in my own life, the times I have been down have served as a teacher to help me learn valuable lessons for my future. I can either learn from the past or I can continue to repeat it.

So as I still struggle from time to time with being content in whatever circumstance I may find myself in, I remind myself of the example we see in Paul.

He knew there were bigger things at play. And I should remember this too.

No matter if life is going great or going bad, I am still not in control. But God..

God is. And I'm so very thankful for that. There is peace inside when you surrender to His plan. And that's the start of finding Godly contentment and the great gain that it is for our soul.

Keep overcoming friends!

Growth, not Perfection

At the end of last school year, a few months ago I was walking to my daughter's classroom after the 4th grade awards to pick her up and ended up right beside her teacher as we made our way down the hall. This teacher preceded to tell another teacher nearby which student I was the mother of, and they both just spilled over praise about how well behaved, sweet, and smart she is.

"Both of your kids are great, actually," her teacher told me. "You are the mother of perfection!"

I was taken aback, but of course proud of her comment. And then I remember thinking... are there not very many good, well behaved kids out there anymore? Why else would she act so shocked that my kid obeys the rules?

Perhaps the public school system needs more good, Christian families whose children can shine a light and be a good example to their peers.

Fast forward to a few nights ago, and my son told me about a boy that disobeys the rules a lot in his class. He said this kid is new, yet didn't understand how he could still not know the rules in their 3rd full week of school.

I explained to him that some kids may have a harder time learning or obeying the rules than others, or they might be having a bad day and in a bad mood, or maybe their parents haven't taught them that they need to obey the rules...

Both kids told me they wanted this year to end just like last year... where their teachers just beam about how well behaved they are.

Proud again, but conscious of the fact that they could be growing into little people pleasers... I asked them why they wanted to obey the rules. These were their responses.

*Because it's the right thing to do
*To be respectful
*To be an example to others
*Because the rules are there to protect us

So I took that moment to remind them that the goal shouldn't be "just so their teachers like them" but that it should be for all the reasons they mentioned... and because most importantly, God expects it from us.

Contrary to what my daughter's teacher said that day... my kids actually aren't perfect. Of course they are far from it. Even though my expectations of them are pretty high as a parent, they often fall short of it. Oh the times they have driven me crazy with their choices to disobey. But alas, that's childhood.

But you know what? I sometimes want perfection in my spiritual life... but fall so short of it too.  Because perfection is not something we can ever reach.. But you know what we can reach?

Higher than yesterday.

It's the growth mindset.

That attitude takes away the shame of missing the mark, and leaves instead constant praise that something, anything is improving in our behavior or attitude.

Just as I wouldn't expect a new kid to know and obey all the rules the first week of class, but would expect some knowledge and obedience three weeks in, I can't expect my kids to know how to behave in every situation, all the time. But I can expect that as we come across something new, they listen and absorb and try harder next time.

And the same is true as Christians. Growth as a Christian means that we WILL miss the mark. And then another mark. And then another. But hopefully along the way, we are absorbing, and learning, and coming closer to getting it right as we go.

Jesus Himself said that He didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. (Luke 5:32) He knew we wouldn't always get it right.

Remember that next time you feel like you're not quite where you want to be.

Don't get discouraged; instead, strive for slow, steady growth.

Kind of like our children.. who we have watched steadily grow and learn and change from babies to big kids, from little terrors to (hopefully) respectful young people.

Our walk as a Christian is the same. We won't always hit the bullseye, but if we are growing, then we are doing something right.

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.- 2 Peter 1:5-7

Whole30 Week 4

Well, I'm through with my challenge. (Thanks to all my readers who have stuck through it with me!)

I'm so glad I did this challenge again. I definitely needed it. Going back and reading my first couple posts yesterday allowed me to really be able to tell that I've changed my relationship with food drastically in the past 30 days.

So, here's a little of what I did that last few days of the challenge.

Day 25 I spent the morning hours on Galveston Island with family, so by the time we got home it was well past lunch time.. I was starving, but had to still cook a little something to eat at 3 p.m.

(This is where it's much more convenient to be able to eat out at restaurants, or pick up fast food. But, convenience can also be taken advantage of, where it becomes a normal thing. And let's face it, Taco Bell tacos are NOT healthy.)

I cooked up some potato, broccoli and an all natural, no fillers, all beef hot dog. It was the quickest way to stuff food down the hatch after spending half the day in the car/looking at the ocean.

Day 26 I threw together a buffalo wings marinade but used drumsticks instead, and baked them in the oven, serving them with baked fries. (I have started to realize potatoes are a big go-to while I'm eating healthy. I guess because I still crave starchy things?)

Day 27 I was sort of lazy for supper. The kids begged for easy meals. They wanted raman noodles... So I just sauteed myself another hotdog and paired it with veggies. Easy-peesy, lemon-squeezy.

Day 28 I caught a cold, and was not feeling well at all by the time I got home from work. So, the kids had sandwiches and I cooked up a small chicken breast with veggies. Then I went to bed.

Getting sick towards the end of the challenge brought back a lot of cravings. I wanted comfort food since I didn't feel well. It was a trigger for my brain to beg me to finish before the 30 days. 28 days is close enough, right?

Day 29 I threw some chicken in the crockpot so dinner would be ready when we got home. It was shredded cilantro lime chicken. The kids put it on tostada shells with veggies and cheese, but I used cauliflower rice as my base and of course, skipped the cheese. It was yummy!

Day 30 I ate those leftovers. And.... done. Que the celebration music. And grab the chocolate.

Let's go over the results I have noticed over the last 30 days real quick. This is why it was worth it from a physical health standpoint.

*more energy
*better sleep
*less carpal tunnel pain (Though it isn't gone completely like it was last time.. sigh.. Oh well.)
*weight loss
*inches lost

These are the emotional benefits I have noticed.

*less cravings, especially sugar
*more focus at work
*less stressed feeling
*more motivation to do the daily things... like cook, clean, be a mom... etc..
*less angry mom syndrome
*I am losing my train of thought less... I think my brain is working better... :)

And lastly, let's talk about what I have learned spiritually.

I learned that self control in any area - even an area like food - can help exercise our ability to resist temptation to sin.

Self control is really just another way to look at denying what self wants for what self really needs. In the same way I denied my brain the sugar it craved because we all know sugar is an addictive poison and I fed it fruit instead, I can better realize and understand that the pleasures of sin are addictive as well.. and you are ALWAYS better off choosing God's way.

In this age of instant gratification, the learned trait of self control is often overlooked, or viewed as not important. But oh how that's wrong!

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. -Prov. 25:28

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control: against such there is no law. -Gal. 5:22-23

We must concentrate on denying our flesh in order to wholeheartedly serve God.

Maybe our food choices aren't directly a sin issue... but applying self restraint in this way hopefully helped my willpower the next time I'm tempted to sin. If I can go 30 days without chocolate, I can also choose God's way instead of _________. (Whatever it might be that Satan tempts us with.)

Don't overlook the spiritual benefits to learning the trait of self control. This is something I will continue to work on, because I'm far from where God wants me to be.

The goal is always... less of me, more of Him.
-Mel

Whole30 Week 3

This week flew by! With school starting and our routine changing, I hardly noticed I was restricting my diet.

I fell into a great rhythm and it became like second nature to eat this way. The only thing I am really craving at this point... I mean, craving instead of just thinking, "hey, that sounds good" and moving on with life... COFFEE CREAMER!!

I had no idea I would miss it so much, but I definitely do.

I found the energy this week! It wasn't a lightbulb moment, but more of a gradual change. Day 18 I woke up energized to exercise and did! Seriously, you guys have no idea how huge that is for me with the way I have been the last couple years. But I actually have real desire to get back into yoga and walking again.

Another thing to note, I have always been a morning person. Up until the last year or so, I have never snoozed an alarm in my life. Generally when I wake, my brain is fresh and already running a mile a minute.

But this past year or so I've been snoozing my alarm.. a lot.. and living in a constant state of rushing in the mornings while I drag myself around needing coffee to wake me up. I'm just always so tired.

This week I have not snoozed my alarm. I am feeling refreshed when I wake up each morning! I'm even waking a few minutes before my alarm. #winning

Let's go over some food choices for week 3.

My breakfasts have pretty consistantly been boiled eggs and fruit. That was my normal routine anyway. My work lunches this week mostly consisted of Turkey burger patties with lettuce and tomato.

Day 17 I made spaghetti with zucchini again and ate on it most of the weekend, aside from day 18 where I had an avacado burger patty with veggies and fruit.

Day 20 I made a classic favorite of ours even when I'm not doing a whole30. Lemon chicken. I simply cut up chicken into small pieces and marinaded it in lemon juice with olive oil, garlic, bell pepper and mustard. Then, I sauteed it all up until the chicken and veggies were crispy. I served it with sweet potato fries and steamed broccoli.

Day 21 I let the crockpot do the work and made another classic.. Roast, potatoes and carrots. You can't go wrong there, right?

Day 22 and 23 I ate on those leftovers.

I am feeling great, but a little anxious to be able to relax a bit once this is over. Now starts the time to think about the "what, now?" phase after I'm through.

Although certain foods sound good to me, I am also feeling somewhat apprehensive that just one bite of something "off plan" will take back all the progress I've made in non scale victories. Of course this is faulty thinking, but I am definitely going to try to take what I'm learning and have better self control when it comes to food that is generally unhealthy.

Mostly I just want to have and maintain a good perspective of asking myself if what I'm about to eat is going to nourish me or not.. and then decide if it is worth the consequence or not. Sometimes that will mean pizza night with the kids, and sometimes it will mean passing up dessert at church potluck. That's what balance is all about, and more importantly, food freedom!

Whole30 Week 2

Wow, this week was SO much harder than the first. The newness wore off, I actually had MORE pain in my wrists (shooting up to my shoulder) and starting week 2 I was still so, so tired.

This week I had to stretch myself to try new recipes in order to keep my food choices fresh and interesting.

Day 7-9 I ate a lot of leftovers from week one- spaghetti and zucchini, chili, and pulled pork.

Those days I had cravings for all kinds of sweet and salty things. I wanted a vanilla cream Dr. Pepper from sonic thanks to a friend who casually mentioned vanilla Dr P. I saw goldfish crackers at work and like a small child, I wanted them. (And I don't even really like them that much!) I didn't give in, but my brain was throwing a full on toddler fit trying to get me to cave.

Day 9 for dinner I kept things simple since I was home alone. It was delicious though. I sauteed potato in coconut oil and paired it with steamed broccoli and bacon.

It was on this day that it really occurred to me how often I have a tendency to treat my kid free time as special "treat yo self" time. With the kids gone for 3 nights visiting their cousins, I had to endure much more intense cravings. Maybe it's all part of the process of whole30 anyway.. but, I distinctly remember thinking that I was missing out on something. Its like my brain thinks that when the kids are gone it's time to eat all the unhealthy things!

Definitely going to pay more attention to this in the future, and make sure treats really are treats and not habits. #lessonlearned

Day 10 was worse, y'all. Imagine with me for a minute. You haven't had any sugar, grains or dairy in 9 days. You walk into your work place to clock in and right at the door is a box of donuts. You ignore them, clock yourself in so you can get paid for this torture, and then you head over to the break room to get your morning coffee. You pour it in your cup and out of habit go to the refrigerator to grab the hazelnut creamer, only to remember you can't have it. You close the refrigerator and what do you see? A box of some sort of pastry.. drizzled with sugar. It looks fruity and sweet, but you can't have it so you turn back and make your way to your desk.

A few minutes later along comes a coworker who has brought a crock pot filled with barbecue pulled pork, Hawaiian rolls, and baked beans for lunch to share with the office. You then remembered it was "crock pot" day and it was her turn to bring the food. But you can't have it. Because the barbecue that is covering the pork has sugar in it, the rolls of course are grains, and the beans are legumes. You go throughout your work day smelling it and watching your coworkers eat it. You silently throw a little pity party and wonder why you are even doing this to yourself. You should be able to have a little bit, right? A little bit won't hurt...

This is where pure determination and maybe a little pride stepped up to keep me going. I can't fail at this.. not after I have told the general world I'm doing it for 30 days. Nope, I had to see it through. But the cravings were pretty strong. I also seemed to be starving that day.. which was weird because, I ate a ton of food. I'm not starving myself at all on this "diet." I'm not counting calories. I'm just making healthy choices when I eat. Once again, it was probably in my head that I was so hungry because of all I the times I told myself no.

I tried a new recipe for dinner on day 11. It called for fresh tomato, garlic, onion, jalapeno pepper, lime juice and olive oil blended into a marinade for chicken. The problem is, I pulled out my blender and realized the actual blades were missing. I searched and searched but couldn't find them anywhere... rendering the blender useless. So, I improvised and chopped everything up, put the chicken in a gallon sized bag with the spices for a couple hours in the fridge and then cooked them all together. I sauteed some squash and made up some cauliflower rice, and I have to say, it turned out pretty tasty. The chicken was definitely flavorful, but once I get a new blender I will have to try it again.

By day 13 I had a crazy thought. I actually WANTED to get some exercise in. I didn't have any crazy boost of energy, I just had the desire to move. That is huge for me! I haven't felt a motivation to exercise in probably a year. Now, I still didn't... After work we had back to school events so, I didn't get any more exercise than usual. Strike that. I did lug a bunch a school supplies down the street and into two schools. That counts as something, right?

But I made a delicious dinner. Taco fries! Taco salad on a bed of sweet and russet potato fries.

After running errands most of the day, I finished out strong on day 14 with another new recipe. And it was also delicious. Both kids actually liked it. Coconut lime chicken.

It was similar to the other chicken recipe in that I put it over cauliflower rice, but the coconut and lime flavor of the sauce was really yummy.

All in all, I feel like it's getting a little easier to make good choices. The dishes and cooking is wearing on me though.. its exhausting to use so many dishes that you take them out of the dishwasher and dirty them back up an hour after they finished cleaning.

Oh well, I guess we'll see if week three brings on that energy I've been waiting for. I could use it right about now.

*P.S. Does anyone really want to know what I'm eating? No? Oh well, too late. This is to prove eating healthy is more than just baked chicken and raw veggies. (Not that there is anything wrong with either one!) 😉

Whole30 Week 1

So, trying to go 30 days without sugar, grains, dairy and most legumes probably seems very crazy to most people.

Maybe I am crazy, but I know it can work, because I have done it before. I know that it's a good, healthy reset for my body. And if nothing else, it's a great test and strengthening of self control which is never a bad thing, right?

But still, here's the why.

The past couple years I've noticed a few changes in me. A lack of energy and motivation, mood swings, weight gain, more carpal tunnel pain, etc just to name a few. At first I blamed most of these things on turning 30. People do say eventually your metabolism catches up with you, right?  Eventually your body ages to a point that it just doesn't quite feel the same, right? Is it just that I've finally reached that point of adulthood?

Well, here's the thing. Besides entering my 30's, in the last couple years I have also gone from part time to full time employment, stopped almost all of my exercise (refer back to working full time and you'll get why I can't seem to "find" the time anymore) went through schooling and obtained a certification, moved twice, (yes, I'm throwing that one in because moving is it's own kind of stress) and then the big one... cough... finalized my divorce. When I think back on it, I guess a lot has happened in the last few years. So, perhaps it's not about aging past 30. Maybe it's actually just life in general.

Regardless of the cause, I am too young, and too "relatively" healthy to get winded walking down the street to the mailbox and back... you know what I mean? I used to be very active. I want to get back to that.

Whole30 for me is just a stepping stone to get me back on track. Back to eating healthy. Back to more energy. Back to feeling motivated to excerise. It's not about restricting my diet for the rest of my life and never having cake again. It's not about shaming myself or anyone else for choosing to eat bread. It's about getting control over my addiction to sugar. It's about being able to play outside with my kids and somewhat keep up with them. It's about teaching them healthy eating habits that they will hopefully take with them someday when they are grown. And I know it has to start with me.

So, how has week 1 gone?

Let's go over the basic rules of Whole30 real quick.. These are the rules I have committed to following for the month of August.

No Grains. No added sugar, not even from natural sources. No beans. No legumes, (with the exception of green beans, sugar snap peas, and snow peas.) No dairy.

Reading labels of canned goods and pantry items is the hardest part. Sugar, as well as soy and corn are big ones that are in a lot of products you might not think about.

I will eat meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds. 

The night before I started, I ate all the things.. really, kind of a bad idea. I even knew it was a bad idea, but I still did it. I was meal prepping, so raman noodles were on the menu with my Milo's sweet tea. (LOVE that tea brand!) I also had to eat a couple of brigadeiros that my kids had made since I was giving up chocolate for a month. But... besides eating random, unhealthy things, I chopped veggies.

Don't they look delicious?

Day 1 was a success as far as staying compliant... with a couple minor exceptions. Go ahead, Whole30 police, come and get me.

 When I do a Whole30, I stay as compliant as I possibly can, but also stay within my food budget and convenience. What I mean by that is.... I'm a huge fan of Walmart's online grocery pickup service. Instead of having to spend half of my Saturday to grocery shop, I typically pick up my online order on my way home from work on Fridays and I'm good to go. That being said, if I can't find it conveniently at Walmart, I don't have the will power or time to shop around out of my way at other stores like whole foods, or Aldi, nor do I have the budget to order specialty foods from these big, fancy farms.

So.. back to staying Whole30 compliant. The only exceptions I will make in these 30 days is my bacon and breakfast sausage. I get the all natural sausage, and the uncured natural bacon. The sausage has listed in the ingredients "less than 2% sugar" along with the other spices, and the bacon has just a little turbinado sugar, a.k.a "raw sugar." But, I will not consume them every day.. and it's still a much better choice for me to make than a donut.. Mostly because I do not crave them the way I crave a dessert, or pastry. :)

I felt empowered on day 1, and excited about the next month. I totally had an obnoxious "can do" attitude. I ate boiled eggs and avocado for breakfast, baked potato and sausage for lunch with raw cucumber and carrots, and cantaloupe.. and dinner was baked chicken and veggies. All the veggies I spent time the night before chopping!

Here's a funny one for you.. I chickened out of completely getting rid of coffee.. coffee is fine for Whole30, but the normal creamers out there on the market aren't and.. I don't drink my coffee for the coffee taste, if you know what I'm saying. I knew not drinking any at all would result in a headache later, so.. I put unsweetened coconut milk in my coffee to see if it was edible. Let's just say, it looked like I was drinking grease after cooking a bunch of fatty ground beef.. here's proof. Go ahead, you can laugh..

But overall, day 1 = success and a feeling of accomplishment.

Day 2 I woke up with a pounding headache... bring on the detoxing... I almost left work 30 minutes after I got there, convinced I would puke at my desk and never be able to show my face there again. I got up from my desk three different times, as the nausea came over me strong enough that I thought I might lose it. It was bad, y'all.

After some black coffee and ibuprofen, I managed to stay at work, but the headache continued on through the day until late evening.

Day 3 I had a slight headache, but overall I felt okay. By the evening after work I was tired, but finished the day with steak, sweet potato fries and broccoli for dinner and a movie night with the kids.

The funny part about this night was that I dreamt of food.... when I woke on day 4, I couldn't remember details of my dream, only that it involved eating at a restaurant, and no... I was not eating on plan.. 🤣

But, for day 4 I stayed compliant in the daytime hours-the hours that count. For dinner I threw together this homemade Whole30 approved chili. It was so yummy!

I was pretty tired that day, and ready for this phase of the detox to be over. 🙂

Days 5 and 6 I felt great. I have not hit any sort of spike in energy yet, in fact, I'm still feeling sort of sluggish.. but, I'm still determined to see this thing through. I'm on day 7 and am ready for what it will bring. I feel like Kuzco in The Emperor's New Groove. "Bring it on!"

I have a few friends and family members doing this thing with me, and that makes it all the more fun that we are experiencing it together. I hope we all have good results in the end!

The biggest take away I have had in the first week is really just a reinforcement of what I already knew. We must (to the best of our ability) take care of our body. Otherwise, we suffer for it. That's not to say of course that there aren't some health problems that come that we can't prevent. But there are several ailments that we can bring on ourself by not eating right. The detox headache was much worse than it was the first time I did this challenge. It was worse because I've not been nourishing myself with the right foods. On day 2 I thought to myself, "I'm never eating sugar again!" We all know that is impossible, but, my irrational (or maybe rational?) thought process was that I never wanted to feel so yuck again. If going one day without some of these foods creates such a withdrawal, shouldn't we be at least a little more leery to consume them?

After this month, I will try very hard to strike a balance. I love that word. It works in so many areas of life. Perhaps some future thoughts are coming on what I am learning about having balance in life. In this case, balancing healthy choices with the occasional treat. #goals

So, there you have it. My crazy ramblings. I'll get back to my regular posts soon. As soon as I can have chocolate again! ;)

Whole 30 Journey

Those that read my blog (hi dad!) probably know that I am always trying to learn and grow in SOME way. After spending a good bit of my early twenties sort of just going through the motions of life, the last 5 years I have felt an intense desire to grow- spiritually, emotionally, mentally- just, all the ways.

I'm not a cancer survivor, or someone who has overcome some huge thing- I'm just a regular girl... but I have had to overcome some things that were huge in MY life. Maybe others can relate.

Fear kept me trapped in a state of no growth for several years. But this isn't a blog post about my personal struggles.

This is only the backdrop as to why I am so passionate about the idea of overcoming. Because until we face the things in our own life that are holding us back, we can not really live life to the fullest.

Beginning August 1st I am starting a new challenge. Well, I've done it before back in 2015. But I desperately need to do it again. For those that don't know what the whole 30 challange is, it is basically a reset for your health. 30 days of detoxing by eating only real, unprocessed food.

When I completed this 30 day challenge in 2015, I had completely rid myself of sugar cravings, had boundless energy without coffee, was generally happy all the time, and my carpal tunnel/tendinitis pain was non existent.

More than that, I came to a realization of how much I relied on food to comfort me when I was down, participate in my celebration when I was happy, and amuse me when I found my self struck with boredom. Instead of going to God in prayer, I turned to chocolate. Instead of praising and thanking God for blessings, I told myself I deserved a donut.. you get my point.

**Now don't misunderstand me.. there is nothing wrong with enjoying our food. God gave us food to both nourish us and to enjoy. But.. for me, I saw ways I could rely more on God and get rid of addiction that wasn't healthy-physically or spiritually.**

But that leads me back to today. I am in that same boat again. I'm stuck in the rut of emotional eating and totally addicted to sugar. So I'm hoping I can have a similar experience this go around and get myself back on a healthy eating track. Because my body is a temple.. and I really believe God wants me to take care of it to the best of my ability.

So I'm taking this as another opportunity to grow. And I hope there are others who might want to grow with me... or at least, encourage me on this journey. I'll be trying to post weekly about my experience, the food I eat, and more importantly the things I learn about myself in the process.

I think writing in this way will help keep me accountable. And I will need it, because giving up sugar, grains, dairy and most of my normal caffeine intake is going to cause such a crash the first few days.. I don't know... maybe if nothing else, it will be entertaining.

Stay tuned in August for my challenge, and please.. pray for my sanity? 🤣

-Mel

"Vacation Mom" Joy of Motherhood challenge update

Last holiday season I challenged myself to take back the Joy of motherhood. You can find the post here. I wanted to begin to enjoy my children more and stop letting the stress of the world empty my love tank. I wanted to be more intentional in my parenting.. yes, in the things I teach them, but more importantly for me, I needed to be intentional in the time I spend with them.

Well, here we are in July and I have been reminded of both my progress, and how far I still have to go.

For my son's birthday we spent the evening at the restaurant of his choosing, went school shoe shopping (which both kids always love), and hit up a frozen yogurt place for some dessert before heading home to bed.

It wasn't much. Not really. Just time spent together.

But it was what he said in that yogurt shop that caught my attention and even made me feel a little guilty.

"I love this day. It feels like we're on vacation again!"

You see, a couple weeks ago we spent a week on vacation, the first real break I'd had from work in a year. Vacation was a blast. It was busy, and we were exhausted when we came home, but the quality time we were able to spend together was so worth it.

So my 7 year old comparing an evening out together to that of a wild, fun vacation was both sweet, and sad.

You see, vacation mom doesn't mind spending money on icecream late in the evening. Vacation mom loves just sitting and watching her children play. Vacation mom will actually let the kids choose what fast food chain gets our money come lunch time. Vacation mom savors every moment and captures each special memory with her handy smart phone cam. She listens intently to the very long stories her kids tell. Vacation mom is a fun mom.

But alas, vacations don't last forever. And I turn back into busy, stressed out, tired mom pretty quickly. Most of the time, too busy for anything out of the norm or spontaneous.

When I started my motherhood journey I envisioned it looking very different than it actually is. I always thought I would be that cool mom that did lots of fun things with her kids constantly.

I guess I was young and naive and thought I'd always have boundless emounts of energy to pour into my kids.

But it takes real effort to be the fun mom.

And sometimes I still fail at it. Summer reading program at the library? Yeah, haven't done it this year. We typically don't even go to the park and we have one IN our neighborhood. This was definitely another wake up call for me.

Because the world needs more of vacation moms. It needs more of woman pouring love into their kids. We need more families that are intentional with time spent together. Children need more happy memories with their parents. They need more family projects, family crafts, family games, and well- just family.

This journey of finding joy in the every day is a lifelong process. Because it's all too easy to forget to enjoy our children.

His sweet statement was a great reminder that vacation mom should show up more often than just vacation. Maybe often enough that she could be renamed weekend mom. And then someday, maybe even just mom.

The kind of mom that relaxes and enjoys her children before they are out from under her roof.

#noregrets

Are we living it?

Christianity is more than a confession. It's more than filling a pew on Sundays. It's so much more than playing a part.

Why do some churches preach grace and love and peace but shy away from teaching obedience?

Why are there so many people that will claim christianity but live lives deprived of morals?

Maybe we forget that christianity is an active thing. It's not something we confess, it's a life we actually live. Or maybe we struggle with loving God the way we should.

I'm embarrassed to say that I was tempted to steal a few days back. Let me explain.

I was at Walmart with my kids, shopping after work for their birthday party. It was late into the evening so we went to the deli and grabbed a cup of popcorn chicken. You know, the kind that they fill in a cup and you pay for it at the end of your shopping experience.

We ate the chicken, shopped for everything and paid for our stuff. Once out to the car, we loaded up and I looked over at the basket.. and you guessed it, that empty cup was up in the front of the cart. We hadn't paid for it.

The car was already on. It was hot. My cold stuff was ruining in the summer heat. Kash was already belted in his seat. But Jaedyn looked at me and said, "awe man, now we have to go back in!"

Of course we had to go back in.... for a Christian that's a no-brainer, and I was proud of her for saying it. But... it cost 2 dollars total and there was a piece of me that wanted to just get in the car and leave. After all, many people steal from the deli in grocery stores. It was only a couple bucks.

With my daughter looking at me for approval, we went back inside and paid for the cup of chicken.

And I realized... Satan is very good at what he does. He created the perfect situation for me to be tempted to steal that little cup. The late evening, the tired mama, the hot sun...

Truly, I'm embarrassed that I was tempted to steal. But the point is... we have to be committed to more than just a claim of faith. We have to live it. Even when temptation comes. And sometimes that means doing the inconvenient. Or the unpopular.

It means committing to purity before marriage. It means working as to the Lord even when your boss is hard to work for.

It means putting others ahead of yourself. It means humbling yourself to admit when you are wrong.

It means committing to fixing a relationship that is broken because you know it effects your spiritual walk.

It means forgiving when it's really, really hard.

Bottom line, it means bending our will to His.

We can't be "Sunday Christians". That's not what God has called us to be.

Let's be committed to living the life He has called us to. Because that's how we shine His light. And maybe, just maybe, that's how others will see a difference in us and want to know more about Him.

Isn't that what it's all about?

"If you love me, keep my commandments."- John 14:15

The struggles of Life

In the last week I have had several friends come to me in conversation, struggling with different things in life and feeling down about it. They needed encouragement. They needed prayer. They needed a friend. Oh, and I had come to them just a week before needing those same things from them.

Friendship is a beautiful thing. And I think especially as moms, we need those relationships with other moms who are dealing with the same or similar life struggles. I am blessed to have women in my life who have prayed with me and for me, encouraged and walked down roads with me that they didn't have to walk. I'm honored to attempt to do the same for them.

But.... and here comes the big but... Why are so many of us struggling? I know it's childish and naive to think life is always rainbows and unicorns, (sorry to all the tween girls out there for bursting the sequin covered bubble) but seriously, why do some people just seem to have it SO hard?

I have friends battling serious health issues, parenting struggles, marriage issues, financial burdens, etc, etc. It hurts my heart for them. No, when I really sit down and think about what some of my friends are dealing with, I find it hard to breathe. I just don't understand why some struggle with burdens in this life far worse then the rest of us.

And so I wonder... why? Is it because of a sin issue? Is it a consequence of our own sin, or the sin of others? Is it to teach us something? Is it because we are selfish? Is it because we try to control our own lives instead of submitting everything to Christ? Is it because we are meant for great things and so Satan just wants to knock us down? Is it just simply to remind us that this world is not our home?

Here's a big question. Why do Christians seem to struggle more at times with life in general than people out in the world living in rebellion toward God?

I don't know the answer to these questions. But others have wondered the same thing. Listen to what Asaph wrote in Psalm 73.

For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. For they have no pangs until death; their bodies are fat and sleek. They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind. -Ps 73:3-5


He didn't know why life works this way but he did have some of our same feelings of envy, frustration, etc.

You see, I know that we do go through some trials as a result of our sin, or the sin of others. These are consequences we pay. While it seems unfair to suffer for something someone else did, we can at least understand it. And yes, I think no matter what we face in life, God can use it all to teach us lessons in trusting him more, letting go of control, and leaning on Him. But what about disease? What about good, decent people that are struggling with sickness, or financial hardships, etc while those in the world seem to prosper?

There is a song called Losing that is a favorite of mine. The basic concept of the song is the writer asking God to help him forgive those who have wronged him, or done things that they should know better than to do. He admits in the song that he feels like the one losing, but wants to have that forgiving attitude.

So... I'm not alone when I feel like struggling to do the right thing sometimes puts me in last place in other areas. Perhaps we will never know why innocent children get cancer, young mothers get left by their husbands, or good, hard working people lose their jobs. Other than the standard, "we live in a broken world" answer, everything seems to fall short of explaining why good people suffer and ungodly people prosper.

But read the last part of Psalm 73.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel.

I think Asaph knew the only real answer is to trust the One who is Eternal. The One who has promised a perfect Heaven to those who follow Him.

Sometimes the good do die young, but then spend that much longer in eternity. Whatever the suffering in this life, whatever the obstacles trying to tear us from the faith, whatever may come can not compare to the overwhelming joy on the other side.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. - Rom 8:18

The Hallway

Have you ever found yourself in a hallway of life? You know... that place in the middle... the waiting game.. a door has closed behind you and you are waiting for the next one to open. Yeah, I've been there quite a bit.

The thing about hallways is that.. they can be boring. There isn't much to them. Just a path that leads to other places. Doors on the right. Doors on the left. Each one offers some bit of hope of something better than the boring, long, skinny, seemingly lifeless hallway. But they can also be safe and comfortable. You know what to expect in a hallway and there are no surprises.

There have been times that I've tried to turn around and reopen a door that just closed. Because what I had before seems better than what's in front of me. But once a door has shut, it typically won't open again. I've knocked on other doors that seem exciting but they wouldn't open. I've pushed, I've shoved, I've picked at locks... I've cried and bargained with God.. but there are some doors in the hallway that just aren't meant for me.

Then there are the doors that seem to open on their own that I don't want to walk through. Inside these doors are pain, and very hard trials. Its probably the biggest chance for growth, but it's not the way I really want to grow. Once again I would rather stay in that safe hallway, or reopen the last door. I don't want this new door. But doors like this pull me in no matter how hard I try to fight against them.

Then there are a few, just a few doors that have opened for me with a lot of hard work and effort. It may have taken a while, but eventually they opened.

Occasionally, a door has even opened on its own in its own way. A door I didn't see coming. And inside were blessings that fell into place. Those are good doors.

But sometimes... you have to wait in the hallway for a while. And let me tell you, that can be hard.

The hallway can bring about feelings of boredom, discontentment, impatience, envy and jealousy. Enough time spent stuck in a hallway can make you feel like the walls are closing in around you.

But I have also found that for me, it's time spent in the hallway of life that brings about my greatest insecurities and anxieties. Can I really move forward toward the next door? What if inside brings pain? Am I capable of handling what might be in front of me? Maybe it's too much responsibility.

It's like this great contradiction of feeling discontent and wanting to move forward to something better- and at the same time thinking maybe I'm safer without stepping into that next doorway of unknown territory.

But I'm trying to remember the blessings that come about in the hallway. With no doors open, there is time to reflect, pray, and ask for God's counsel. There is time to slow down and build up your patience, faith in His plan. There's a sort of child-like trust that you have to have in order to wait for the right door of opportunity without being scared or insecure. Just content to find the door that He has planned for you.

You see... our feelings of discontentment when we are stuck in a season of waiting can help us realize our need for patience. The feeling of jealousy when doors open for others that we want for ourselves can serve to remind us that no two people have the same story... and we can and must learn to be content with that, no matter how unfair it may seem.

And if we are feeling scared, insecurities in the hallway of what might come next is an opportunity to live out the truth in that childhood song, "He's got the whole world in His hands."

Oh, to truly know that "He's got this!"

Slowly but surely God is teaching me to see these blessings. Sometimes I'm a slow learner, but He is a patient Father.

Looking back, I can see His guidance on which doors He closed and which ones He had me walk through.... so looking forward, I must trust that He knows what He is doing.. and in His own time and way, He will lead me to the next phase and out of the Hallway. He has the answers my soul is seeking. The why, when, and how. But until then, no matter what feelings may come, I can choose to have an attitude of praise.